here we are and i am getting ready to go and i don't really know what i'm supposed to be here except leaving. and on the car ride back i'll be sitting there thinking i know. i'm really looking forward to seeing martha. i really want to hug her and i miss her a lot. and spin around in the front yard and be really glad to be me and solely an independent human being. like a freedom of realizing again and again what i consistently forget: staying true to who i am. not calculating things at all. really being who i am: a good person. and i need to remember this and the friends that i have who are really wonderful human beings as well. i need to remember raquel and william and baltazar and rebecca and martha and tess and adell. what wonderful people!

galaxies flooding my heart. not really but i want to swim with jenell in the water and feel the intenseness of her heart and mind, the way she feels the world. i am captivated and a little afraid that i will be shown things that will completely change me. Where is Patient (Jenell); where is P(J)'s baseline?

here he is, drowning me out.