I've just kinda been going along lately. Not too much to report.

I was definitely less hyper this week. Not sure why. I am wondering if it's the Fish Oil or Taurine. I decided to stop Fish Oil for a week to see if anything changes. The same for Taurine. The next post will explain more of that.

But what I really wanted to say is something that warmed my heart. I am a behavioral therapist for children with autism and have been for over five years. The first child with autism I ever met was Julia. When I met her she had words but couldn't really use them in a sentence. She also had pretty aggressive behavior and didn't even know her name. I treated her for four years, starting at six hours a week with a high of 15-20 hours a week in the summer. Her family and I grew close over the years as Julia and I did. We were just awesome together. We understood each other and Julia eventually learned things just from a look I would give her. We had the best of times and some of the most frustrating times, but she was my girl and will always be my girl.

There is one story I always tell people to explain to them that behavior therapy is more than just strict data keeping and there is more to behavior than just simple cause and effect. There is also the heart. I was so proud the day Julia first said I hate you- she learned Pronouns!!! Lol. But really, it was my heart that found its way to Julia and her heart to mine. That is how we connected.

One time, later on in the years, maybe our third year together, I took her go-karting. The first time around, she screamed bloody murder and was clawing at me. So I just turned to her and said, Julia just trust me, okay? Just trust me, I promise you it will be okay. So she turns to me, gets very calm and says, Okay Erin, I'll trust you. And I didn't hear a peep from her and she focused on the ride. By the next time around, she goes, "wahooo, this is so much fun, thank you Erin!!!" Holy shit. She trusted me. The girl trusted me. She understood what trust meant and she gave that to me. Words can't even describe that moment for me. She trusted me and I didn't let her down. And I remember that story and always tell people I need to do go-kart therapy ;-)

Well, we lost touch in the last year and a half, probably since Spring 2007. I just recently started talking to her sisters online again and then her mom through email. Now Julia progressed to the point that after I finished therapy with her in 2006 she could talk on the phone fine and even instant message me! She is in a typical classroom for the most part and obsessed with the Jonas brothers. Anyway, her mom told me this. Julia's birthday was a few weeks ago and right before her birthday she told her mom that she misses me. And then...she told her mom about the time I took her go-kart racing.

That floored me. Because of all the time we spent together, all the things I helped to teach her (including riding a bike and playing basketball!), that is the story she chose to remember and tell her mom she misses. And I think that is super special because of the meaning that story had to me. She is a miracle to me...to learn everything she did, to work so damn hard every single day.

And anytime I find myself feeling sorry for one thing or another and having pity...I think of her and how she had to work to find a life for herself, to be a child. From just learning to respond to her name to learning how to trust another human being. She would go to school all day and then have to spend several hours after school with me learning stuff that was even harder than school stuff. I was not an easy therapist by any means...I was definitely the hardest, but I also was considered the most fun lol. But she went through that, and she hardly complained. I mean she had behaviors but it wasn't from complaining it was from frustration in how hard learning things was for her. She is an amazing girl and she continues to amaze me to this day.

I wish life hadn't taken me so far away from her, but I trust the years that I gave to her and that in the end she will be okay because she is super wonderful and special. And I feel honored that she would remember me. She was four years old when we began together and eight years old when we ended our time together, so she was still kinda young, but she remembers.

So miracles...they do happen. And my work with these kids? I see that they do live on. And that I feel incredibly blessed to have been given a gift and I feel it is my responsibility to figure my own shit out so I can be fully available to these children. I can't get down and I can't stop searching for the right way to live life for me. Whether it's meds, supplements, a combo or none, I will find what is natural to me because I just want to be the best that I can be...where ever that best may fall.

:-)
Erin