So my mind is back!! I felt productive somewhat today. I just felt clearer and today would be the first day that the lithium is officially out of my body. I thank the lithium gods, but that was in the past- it really did save me for about a year and a half/two years. But then I changed, my body changed and now it has more toxic effects on me. So a little while ago, I RE-found icarus and everyone here got me thinking about alternatives. Why put somewhat toxic things in my body when there are other alternatives.

I do realize the need for an anti-psychotic. My symptoms are too out there right now with that. But as far as a mood stabilizer, I don't see why I can't try a natural path. So I am.
Tonight marks the first night to try Fish Oil, L-Taurine and tomorrow I will be adding in the multi-vitamin (and don't laugh, I am taking the flinstones lol because I wanted a chewable and not a pill). I might add in two weeks or so, GABA. I am hoping this will all have positive impacts on my mood. I will still be taking risperadol because my paranoia and thought dysfunction is too out of control to manage without.

I feel comfortable with this new outlook. The fish oil pill (because of it's size) made me gag and I could not take the L-taurine right away. In fact I'm still waiting to take it, letting my stomach settle down.

I have overdosed majorly in the past, once with about four hundred pills (seriously, doctors don't know why I'm still breathing...) and then a second time six months later with maybe a hundred or two. The second time was not as big as the first, mainly because my body started rejecting a lot earlier. And now my body has a natural defense and I can't swallow pills like I used to (I'd be the woman who would get her meds at the hospital and be able to swallow all of the twenty some pills in one swig). So I think my body just needs to get used to the fact that I will be taking pills again and they will not be toxic to my system but help me! Or maybe I'll just take one big pill at each interval of the day (morning, noon, night) and that way it's broken up. So in the morning, maybe fish oil, multi vitamin and then noon, the L Tuarine, night is risperadol and sleep medication. I will keep an eye on this. I don't even know if I can take the taurine tonight, my stomach keeps making groans and I keep thinking I am going to gag (it was a big pill). Maybe I need to just suck it up and get the gross liquid form lol.

So this is the path I'm taking for now. I'm pretty happy with it. I am seeing a growth within me and I like it. My mind is opening up and I am open to so many things now. I am about to embark on a spiritual journey as well. I'm hoping all of this will give me greater awareness and just even more inner peace than I have right now.

I am also in the process of taking my old website Secret Cutting (and support group Second Chances) and replacing it with a new one tentatively called After All. I'm taking the focus away from just self injury and just more focus on the self and how you can heal yourself and improve your self esteem, self worth etc and be your own advocate in this mental health system. And also more on alternatives to treatment besides just take these pills they will make you feel better. And also sections on what to do after you leave the mental health world behind- how you get back into this world and live and breathe and navigate this world. I guess sections on life skills. I feel good about the direction I am going to take it. I am a little sad to leave SC behind...it has been through so much and helped so many people. But I like change and I think it has run it's course. It is well past it's hay day when it got national exposure. So I'm ready to breath new life into it.

It's weird to think about all the changes I am taking myself through right now- from medication to spiritual to my website and just my over all drive and purpose. But I think it is all to better myself and be the best person that I can be, whoever that may be.

:-)
Erin