why did i invite myself here
Submitted by MissHenryDavid on Thu, 06/19/2008 - 9:08amThe text formating sucks, i thought i might as well make the same observation that many of you have noticed before but maybe never mentioned. if this is an honest and open site than you shouldn't have a problem with me being blunt and honest.
I think most people are probably here because they think having a mental disorder is like the new trend. where like if i am diagnosed as bi polar like i can get away with murder and like act like a slut and be completely crazy.
People who sell books like prozac nation are happy to exploit something that might be nothing. how do you know you are really crazy? how do you know that you are truly in need of therapy and help?
I have been off meds for two years and i am fine and dandy and now that i think about it maybe i just wanted attention and that is why i was so messed up-or maybe it had to do with not taking responsibility for my actions and maybe it had to be the fact that i was engaging in drugs and alcohol and that is the cause of my lunacy.
seriously think about it.
sometimes i think i am smarter than most people sometimes i know i am smarter than most people-this makes social connections hard to hold onto as i grow bored of people rather quickly. i grow bored of existing rather quickly.
i often contemplate why we need degrees and years of experience studying a subject in order to be employed in that field-psychology for example-everyone's favourite subject-everyone knows how to be a psychologist but few know what is means to understand psychology-there is no understanding bottom line-there is no finite answer people swallow salvation like water either in the form of a pill or in the quiet and consistent sessions that go to $50 a pop.
its another money making scheme another way for someone to tell you you have problems and they need to be fixed-what's worse is that people make up the problem they want to have-that's why this field is so corrupted so very good at mastering the art of illusion.
thats all for now
empathy eats apathy
Dear Miss Henry David,
Outside of the mainstream, there really is no manual for survival, for happiness, for health, and for the alternative. Alot of it is making it up as you go, trial and error, learning from others experiences, speaking out, and trying to make the best action. It's hard not to feel alienated or alone, even in a group of supportive friends. It's important to talk about the things that make you uncomfortable, question certain elements/ideologies, and even criticize (like you have done).
I think it's a little unfair to generalize that the majority of people who are bipolar/etc do this because it's "trendy" or especially as an excuse to be an addict or "slut" (which I found offensive). I can understand why you may feel this way, or have your experience co-opted by the commodity culture. "Craziness" and drug-use and self-destruction is romanticized in our culture big time--and unfortunately I've known young kids who are addicts or getting into really shitty things because some of their favorite authors/musicians/etc did those things, while being brilliant, but ususally resulting in over-dose or suicide.
I can't say whether or not you are really "crazy", but I can say that you should trust your heart first and foremost. If you are no longer as deppressed or struggling as you once were, you should celebrate and continue doing the things that help you stay on a healthy, stable level. But at the same time, you shouldn't be down on the rest of us who are still in the emergency stages. Healing is a process, that continues throughout or whole lives. I hope you reach for your hopes and desires so you don't end your boredom destructively. Just having a simple list of things that pick you up to look at when you're feeling bored and shitty is really helpful.. And maybe when you start to seek our beauty in the things you do, you can start to see the beauty and magic in people, even if they are intellectually "less smarter" than you (or just plain fucked up--so I'm not saying to go out and love everybody or anything!!)--which is a standard you should question along with your other quandaries about "psychology" and "craziness".
You failed to enlighten us
You failed to enlighten us all as to why you are here.
The reality is that being diagnosed with bi-polar (or any other form of MI) is not a "get out of jail free" card. Nor does it excuse destructive or hurtful behavior, perhaps if it did those who experience these "disorders" would not be so distressed.
Being a survivor of MI should bring pride, but, this too, does not excuse haughty comments or criticism that is miles away from constructive.
riding the emotional roller coaster of mental illness
I believe that I come to 'Icarus' for many of the same reasons most of us do. To find a place of non-judgemental understanding, a place to sit, think and feel safe. Finding this site was like feeling a breath of fresh air. I've probably 'suffered' from depressive episodes going back into my early teen years, but, its only the last twenty or so that I've tried the gambit of medications and rounds of doctors, therapists, etc., some who understand, many who are more clueless than I. My early years were a haze of alcohol consumption and drug experimentation. I'm sure this adds to the hazy confusion I feel at times. laughs at himself. Luckily for me, I was lead to Alcoholics Anonymous in late '84, which started a great feeling of belonging and identification on my inside.Long term relationships with others, though, remain elusive. Besides my healing thats' taken place there, I've had to move on and seek out other avenues. Anyway, I forgot what my point was to be, coming off cymbalta is taking its toll at the moment, though, I'm still hopeful for a/my future. Thank You all for being here and those that took the time to read my ramblings. There is hope. ~smiles~