Hi,

Finding this site was... unbelievable. I just can't really fathom that all of these wonderfully wayward people, you, were already gathered here in the internet-jungle. It feels like I have been looking for you forever! And I didn't even know you existed.

I am diagnosed with Bipolar I and Schizoaffective disorder, and I have been ill since I was about 7 years old (26 now). At 12 it started really showing, and I had my first encounter with the shrinks. At 16 I was on meds and by the age of 23 I was in an institution.
There. My history in (very) short. Well, I don't think I have to tell you what it's like. The rides up and the plunges down, all the sweet surfing on big perfect ways and the quicksand, the productive sleepless nights that turn into waking nightmares. I think you know all this, which is why I already like you all.

During the last 6 months I have been preparing to go off meds. I've read everything I could get my hands on... herbal medicine, yoga, meditation, shamanism, the chemistry of pharma drugs and the moral of pharma companies, the brain structures of bipolar brains, genes, gene research, philosophy, psychology, mental illness in different indigenous cultures... you name it. How the links got me here I don't remember, I have stumbled over so many fortunate rocks during the last year that I don't know where I started.

Well, I do know where I started... I was tired of being a slave to a system that I doubted. I was tired of being dependent on little life-changing pills, my evil friends, that gave me a hard time physically and mentally. I wanted to get to know me. Kick free. Embrace the wonderful things about me. Find a stability that is adjusted to me and not to the norms of society.
I started to realize that it is a gift to be born with a big box of crazy crayons, not just the standard box with only the normal colours. I have colours in my box that I couldn't even give names to, and I want to use them all.
That's how I got here.

And this is my blog!

Warm greetings everyone!