This is Not Fair.
Submitted by sweetmadness on Fri, 05/15/2009 - 1:55pmI can't tell anyone about this. I have no support system. I just want out. No one knows how I feel about taking meds and dealing with psychiatrists, it's not fair that my dad expects me to continue this because I don't want to. Because I said that I wanted to stop seeing the psychiatrist or go off meds, and he was having a bad day and he just yells at me. For once in my life I'm feeling better and everyone just always wants to take that away from me. I just want out, and he's making me feel suicidal for the first time in over a year. By being so demanding of someone, forcing his opinions on me like I have to listen as he's telling me what to do with my mind, my heart, my life.
Why, I can't stop crying I haven't cried like this in awhile. I just can't take this, I just don't know how to handle this....all these abuses and I start to remember them and feel for the first time and no one understands....that I want to feel, to know, to be in control of my brain and it's not.....like I have any hope. I feel so miserable on pills, yeah they help me focus somewhat but I'm always dazed out and I don't know- why the fuck does it matter what I think?
This is what drives a person crazy.
this is the reason i didnt
this is the reason i didnt tell my friends and family except for a select few that i went off my meds. they dont understand. they never will. thats something we all have to learn to accept. it sucks, but well go even more crazy if we dont. i didnt tell people that i stopped seeing my psychiatrist and went off my meds, because i knew how they would treat me. i knew what the response would be. i figured it was better if they dont know, think im heavily medicated for there saftey. just keep your head high, and remember that youve always got everyone here.
Well there's good news.
Talked to my psychiatrist today and she said I seemed a lot more relaxed and that I looked good. I told her I had stopped the meds for about a week. She said that I wouldn't be experiencing side effects or any symptoms at this point. She just recommended I see a therapist to help with coming off the meds and said that she'd see me in a month. So she didn't say anything against it, and I was really happy I didn't have to deal with defending all the reasons I felt better of medication etc. I feel like a weight has been lifted.
Thanks for your support
SweetMadness