My conscious mind is the mediator for my entire psyche. It is only one part of me of course, but an extremely important part because it keeps all the other parts in harmony. Without the presence of my conscious mind the equilibrium of my psyche can break down quite easily, which leaves me in a state of extreme internal chaos. To put it another way, my brain chemistry is particularly sensitive to things that impact my frontal lobe because, for me, my frontal lobe is what connects all the other pieces together.

 

Alcohol is a drug that very directly impacts our conscious ability. It is a sedative that immediately starts putting our consciousness to sleep. So, it makes complete sense why I am so prone to bad experiences when using alcohol – it shuts off the exact part of my being that provides me with overall stability and harmony. In essence, it gives me a really bad trip.

 

This is a big deal to me. This thought is really helping me accept and give love to the parts of me that have acted out with violence – parts that only ever came out when I had been drinking. That’s not an excuse for the things I have done – my actions, impaired or not, are still my responsibility and mine alone. It is, however, an explanation of why I was able to do things that so strongly violate my values as a human being. I’m finding that understanding this is really helping me forgive and feel compassion for not just the parts of me that I like, but the parts I don’t like as well.