Follow up to my last blog...

Recounting of yet another episode of how being Borderline leads me to hurt myself and those closest to me.

Today is a wonderful example of how the lack of object constancy for Borderline’s cause problems for us. Last night I spent about 6 hours with my ex-fiancée, whom I had not seen in months. We talked, and talked, and talked some more about practically everything and it was wonderful. Now that I’m aware of being Borderline and learning how to deal with it, I knew even before meeting up with her that if things went well I’d feel an immense high from the contact. However, before I was diagnosed and had the tools for dealing with my BPD my experience last night would have sent me off on quite an extreme roller coaster ride.

I’m reading Get Me Out Of Here by Rachel Reiland. This quote below from the first therapist she saw while in-patient struck me so much that I want to share it here.

I’ve been reading about BPD a lot lately. One book in particular connects me with a lot of memories every time I pick it up. Below is something I wrote after that book connected me very strongly to a distant faded memory. Before writing this I allowed my mind to slip back in time into the perspective of the terrified young child as if this was a current event in my life.  I think I was 12 years old when this happened but I'm not really sure about that.

I'm too tired to write a summary so you'll just have to read it yourself.  ha!

I had another one of those “ahh haa” moments tonight. This one told me what my tattoo REALLY means to me. I’ve always loved my tattoo and now that love is even stronger.