So....I can't stop thinking about how much I like this boy. I keep thinking about straddling his lap while we're sitting on the couch, leaning forward to press myself against him and kiss him. Fuck. Right now I'm talking to him online and I just want to keep telling him how much I miss him. Except that I've been kind of on the chilly side after breaking up with him. Fucking christ. Why am I this confused? And now I think he's coming here on Tuesday and we'll go see a movie. And then he might come here to sleep over for the night. If he does, that could be interesting. I mean, my mother will be here, so it's not like anything could really go on. But I'll be really tempted. I miss his penis. I mean, I miss the sex, but also just the familiarity of his body and his touch.

Ugh. Fuck. I'm a genderfucked biogirl who's falling for the mostly straight boy she dumped horribly about a year ago. I feel like I keep being overly complimentary. He even remarked on it. But it's okay. I'll just be subtle. Well, vaguely subtle. Maybe my life will get super bizarre (and completely wonderful) and he'll get that I'm into him and he'll be into me and we'll kiss or something when he comes to visit.

I know I sound like an early teenage girl, but that's just how I get when I really like someone. Not even when I'm attracted to someone, but when I really like them and I want them to like me too. I guess that's normal. Anticipation, anxiety, excitement. I'm going to trim my hair again tonight and then fall into bed. I've already done all of my complaining about Pride and associated problems I see in the world, so that doesn't have to make its way into this blog. I always have more to write, but not more energy or more time. Need to aim towards bed now.

Optimistically looking towards group therapy tomorrow, good night to the world.