At group I got really fucking pissed off that this girl. Well, not at the time. At the time I just cried. I am trying. Every day I'm doing one errand. That's enough. And eventually I'll have finished it all.

Tomorrow, I'm going to deal with the books and the other donations I have. Today I finished with the post office. And maybe I'll look for some other things to do. Set up some dates with friends. Real dates, with specific days attatched so that I don't spend the whole summer failing to be spontaneous. I'm just angry at this girl. I don't really know why. Well, yes, because she accused me of not trying and of not wanting to get better. I do want to get better, I just don't believe that I will.

This hippie kid that's vaguely on the edge of my life....well, I think I've realized I'm not particularly interested in him. It's always because he's so keen on me that we actually end up seeing each other. Not because I care about him at all. And I don't. He's sort of accidentally condescending to me and not too interesting in my opinion. And this upstate kid. He's also not good for me. Not sensitive to uncool stuff. And being depressed is sort of the height (or depth) of uncoolness. So I shouldn't even think about becoming proper friends with him. Conclusion: no need to connect with either hippie guy or upstate guy.

But on the subject of other guys...I'm missing my ex boyfriend. A lot. Well, maybe less right now. But today at group, I was missing him so much. Which is bizarre. I haven't been attracted to him in months. And I haven't been properly in love with him for coming up on a year now. I just wanted to bury my head in his chest and have him hug me and kiss him and be naked together and even have sex and suck his cock and grab his ass and touch all of those parts of his body I used to be so familiar with. Damn. Now I'm getting back into that a little. Not helpful. Not a good idea. I'm almost completely positive. There's still a little voice in my head that's going "well, maybe?...." with this idea that we'll get back together in the future. I did the breaking up, by the way. 

Enough of that. Enough of all of this. I'm having a fucked up time of it with my sex drive and my gender feeling. Maybe I'll have the guts to say something about it in group. I don't want to say anything tomorrow, to be honest. And that's not unusual. But okay, things I could talk about? I've been working through my to do list. I've been missing the ex like hell.

Ha! I've just signed up for a volunteer orientation session. After that I can just sign up and go to whatever volunteer events I want. And I can go whenever I want and I don't have to show up, which takes off lots of the pressure.

Also, tomorrow is my meds adjustment day. Fun stuff. Excited. I ought to do some researching on the various meds she might choose for me. Okay, going to do that and then collapse and go to sleep. Tomorrow: group, then delivering of donations, then meds appointment, then movie