The four of us walk back back back into the pitch blackness of the cave, I'm scared.. but my punk friends think this is so cool, so normal. I'm thinking about earthquakes and feeling the dry blackness of what was once moltant lava beneath my feet. It seems important to get to the back of the cave (so park rangers won't smell the smoke we are smoking?) who knows. I'm prepared to die, and I think, if the fire goddess takes us, I'm glad I'm in good company.

Theres a moment in our small circle in the pitch blackness with the glowing, orange ember passed around that I would like to tell my three friends I love them very much. I don't, because we're too crazy. Each one of us has heavy baggage sometimes and things like love, self-esteem and affection are touchy.

I hold my girl-friends hand when we almost slip and fall, we giggle stupidly. When the tallest of us bumps his head on the low, dripping ceeling I jump to grab him and he laughs at my over-protection.

One friend, has been deathly evil and scilent all night. This may be why I havn't told them all I love them dearly. It would be too obnoctious to my most sencitive, numb companion. When we take him home the three of us remaining can't put our finger on it.

I suspect it is jealousy, and love that keeps him far away from us, abusive and insecure. No matter how mean he is, I always forgive him, because the worse he is, the more I suspect he's inlove with us and too stupid to say it. He thinks we'll abandon him, women will date and take away his guy friends and he will be alone. The more afraid of it he is, the less attractive he becomes, the more we avoid interactions with him, and life goes on. Lately, the most attention he gathers from us is asking if he is okay.

Icarans, we would be kind to be sympathetic to my depressed compainion, but the things is, not one person in that cave last night was sane. The only difference is he's gripping it, white nuckled, letting all the past and pain be "who he really is"... the rest of us? We have no idea who we are, the pain occured, hallucinations and breakdowns were had, but we're still walking along, not dead yet, no goals to speak of, just want to make sure the other is alright. We don't have enough flash lights, but in the dark, everything becomes strangely palpable.