My dance piece is performed this saturday. It's called the Art of Falling. It's about falling, momentum, gravity, weight, love, solitude, community, balance, endurance, persistance, bruises, and learning to be caught when you fall.

I'm better. I'm not hypomanic, I'm not happy enough to be hypomanic, damnit, though I have some physical symptoms (bursts of energy efficiency, talkativeness, insomnia, great creativity.) But I'm not happy or confident. I'm also tired, at times, which is always a good sign.

I'm trying to stay friends with C. She's making absolutely no effort to go towards me. She doesn't say hi when she walks into a room I'm in. But she also always responds positively when I go to her. It's hard to tell because she's so good at faking it. You would never guess how she despises some people she is very friendly too. She never confronts anyone about it. So how can I not know it's not the same for me? that she really does not mind me talking to her? I don't know. I can only take a leap of faith. In her. I can do that.

The term is almost over and I am so glad. This term has been heartwrenching in a million ways but also miraculous. I am so much stronger. I can't wait to fly back home for break and have a month away from here. I want to miss it again, I want to need it again. Now i'm going through the motions.

I'm still in love with her. She's beautiful, and perfect etc. What else is new. But I think I'm doing better and one day maybe i'll love someone else.