I am having an online identity crisis again. I am not sure if I want to be in that blog over there or over here.

I cried re-reading parts of this blog. I really got heartbroken last year. It took a year to recover maybe. No I still get sad. I am not sure why because I was not treated so right. But also I know it was not all his fault he was going through what he went through.

Maybe I could delete some posts and make this the less personal blog. no it won't work, because I always end up personal. and the personal is political...it still is.

I have a different vibe over here....there is a valley between the two different parts of the site somehow in my mental map of it...and over there is more intimate in the blogs...and over here...oh I don't know, I have not been over here in a while. I had wanted to delete this blog how I tend to periodically want to do with everything...

But I am glad it is here to re-read a few things, even the agonizing posts.

It seems I got heartbroken, took some bad meds and got sicker and sicker physically.

I am off effexor now and eventually want to be off the abilify. It is down to 5 mg. How does one deal with SSI tho when going off meds? They often want proof that you are sick and part of it is telling them what meds you are on. I need help on or off meds....I mean meds don't "fix" me either. In fact, they overall make me worse and I have found they may be the cause of my ill health.

How many of us died from this inept mental hell system and meanwhile it all goes underreported. How many of us die from the meds? They discuss mortality rates in terms of suicide. Well they ought to discuss also mortality rates from medications themselves. And then there are always those suspicious deaths in mental hospitals too.