Going med free
Submitted by gatekeeper on Wed, 12/24/2008 - 1:24pmI have, after long debate, decided to go med-free. I am scared and excited to see what my consciousness is like without the aid of heavy pharms. I have already begun the journey months ago when Lithium gave me horrendous, scarring acne. I began to taper down vehemently stating that ALL the drugs had to go. I weaned myself off of Lamictal. Then the psychosis crept in or rather clawed its way into my perceptions and up up up went the Abilify to 30mg. This is when I developed TD. Shit. Now I twitch in my face and it is intolerable. My doc says he is 98% sure it is temporary. So now I am reducing Abilify. I currently take 10mg. I am going to 5 mg asap. I also take Levothyroxin becuse Lithium also destroyed my Thyroid, and I take 200 Wellbutrin. I expect to be med free (except maybe the thyroid pill) in a month!!!
Everyday, even medicated, I am reminded of my illness. I am sick all the time; it is decidedly hard to be me. But my year or two with meds have not necessarily made much difference and the side effects are horrible. I could be disfigured by this TD if I am in the 2%. It is so hard to know if meds help because you can never life a stretch of life over again and compare.
I am going to do a detox with a naturopath to help heal my liver. I am going to see a homeopath about my raging mood and psychotic symptoms. I am going to do a neurotransmitter test to see if I can supplement with amino acids. I am going to take my meditation and yoga more seriously.
This is my game-plan and I pray to God it works, because if it doesn't my life will be lived simply for others, I will find little comfort in it.
Re: Going med free
Wow this is a very brave thing for you to do! I have done this as well and have had fantastic results. I have also spent many years on heavy drugs that have fucked up my system and I believe stunted my development since they were started at such an early age....
I am on amino acids right now and an herbal supplement including st john's wort including other things, and I am starting yoga and practicing mindfulness based techniques....it is not an easy road by any means and I am definitely different. I reach emotional meltdown quicker and take longer to recover from extreme mood states, however I also feel that I am able to access things in therapy I never would be able to otherwise, and overall I think I am healthier and happier. I also take vitamin D bcause in my climate almost everyone has that deficiency and I certainly have noticed a difference.
Good luck and keep up posted! I really think that you are making a wise decision. You won't know till you try. I was always terrified to go off meds because docs had convinced me I would be some crazy drooling psych pt in lock down for the rest of my life if I went off them and you know what happened when I did....absolutely nothing! I began to feel physically better. I noticed I felt more alive and yes more sensitive to things. But I certainly didn't have the outcome the docs predicted. I am perfectly able to function, sometimes with a bit of crisis help, but mostly on my own. So I say give it a shot! You can always go back on them if you find that it is what you need and who knows, you just might feel dramatically better.
Squirrel
Thanks for the needed support
Thanks for the thoughtful response. I feel like I need support right now because I have had the experience that most people around me really question my decision. I wonder if I am going to end up totally worsening my condition, but then, thinking back, meds have really only given me horrible side effects and numbed me.
You make a really good point about being able to make more progress in therapy. I feel dead in therapy and in general. Lithium especially numbed me out to a monotone.
How long have you been off of meds?
How come we don't hear more about people like you who go off meds and do better? We always hear about those that kill themselves or crash and burn, leaving us terrified to try anything new.
So far my main side effects of coming off meds is more energy, horrible nightmares, and unexplained giddiness. Not contact with the “other side.” So far, so good.
I will definitely stick with my naturopath and work out some natural alternatives with him. I am SOOOOOOOO excited for this change and can't wait to have my health back! Yes!
My experience thus far
Hi Gatekeeper,
I was diagnosed in spring 2006, and partly because I kept going off my meds, I've been hospitalized 7times in1.5 years. I have tried reducing them gradually, and also going cold turkey. I began with Lithium and some other supplemental meds. I am now on Tegretol. I am once again going off my meds, but this time with my mental health team's cooperation and close monitoring and adjusting my drugs as needed.
I know several mentally gifted, but none of them are off their meds. I'm convinced that they do exist, and I've been wanting to get in touch with this community. I have a friend who has been out of the hospital for about a decade until this past fall, and off her meds for 5 years. Now that she's out again, her doctor says she can begin going off them again because she had such a long period of not being hospitalized.
I would like to offer this for your consideration in your journey. Stay in touch with yourself and your support network. Be aware of your thoughts, perceptions, beliefs, emotions, body sensations, and learn to recognize indications of what is similar to withdrawal to street drugs. When I describe my what I feel inside my body sensationally to my partner, he says it sounds just like people who are going through withdrawal of street drugs.
I used to recognize these 'early - or perhaps late - warning signs', which would then create panic an anxiety because I know what comes next: different realities and hospitalization. This is probably because that's what I knew at the time. But since my last discharge, I've worked on feeling these sensations calmly, without contributing to the uncontrollable spiral and reciprocal interaction between panic, anxiety, and increasing intensity and acuteness of an episode. My personal theory is that at earlier stages of an oncoming episode there are more options that you have for deflecting it, and you progress further along on an episode, those options decrease (ie. music, slowing down, talking about it, trying to sleep, etc, may not help at all at this point) to more extreme measures.
As for a support network, my mental health team has been cooperating with me in staying posted with me, and discussing and prescribing me the amounts and types I have been requested. This does not mean that they support my idea of quitting meds. But given my history, they have judged that it may be a better idea to work with me openly than have me isolate myself from them. I am still certified under the mental health act, on extended leave, which means that my doctor can at any time put in a call and I will be fast-tracked to the hospital without question. I would prefer not to have this collar and chain on me, so I am looking forward to my upcoming review on renewing the extended leave. I also have trusted friends that have seen me through various stages over the past 2.5 years, and point out things that may concern them, and check in and help out in different ways.
About your question of why we only hear of those who go off meds and crash and burn - studies only report the findings of those people report back to them somehow.
I look forward to hearing more from you as you progress.
Sincerely,
SteFa