On how the end will come...

"My pain is constant and sharp. I do not want my pain inflicted on others. I want to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis. My punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself."

i am sliding out of society. there are clearly just a few things that i am supposed to do, over and over and over. i begin to be unable to do them. i have loose ends that threaten to rise up and choke me. i can die or i can leave this grid of responsibilities and pressures.

my mind doesn't tell me the truth anymore. it tells me the thing that will keep me breathing for the next five minutes. i can't make things better or different. i can only flit forward just a tiny bit, into the shadow of foward-leaning disaster.

i can't do this anymore. i need to get out.