I never thought I would come to this point, really. But, I have more emotional pain than I can handle. I am hopeless about the future. I have no confidence in myself to take care of myself and make myself well.

I have a plan to commit suicide.

1. Make money.
2. Buy medication.
3. Collect anti-nausea medication. OverTheCounter should suffice.
4. Grind up medication. Stir into vanilla milkshake.
5. Go to park or other secluded place and drink it.

It seems pretty simple when you write it up like that. I don't want to cry about it or anything in my life anymore. I have been working on finding a home for my wonderful dog. She is a pretty popular breed, so I could just give her to the rescue people, I guess.

I have a will. I guess I should work on getting it notarized and properly distributed. I plan to fulfill my plan on August 8th, which gives me about nineteen days.

I am pretty sure I can do this once I have all the needed supplies. I have a .22 revolver, but I read someplace that it is mostly good for scrambling your brain and not killing you. The cost of a .45 is about four times that of my plan. So, this is my next option. I have also thought of jumping, but I really don't want to fail or be interrupted, so this way seems better.

There. I wrote it all out. I wondered if I would think that it sounded like a terrible idea once I saw it in black and white, but I don't. I can do this.