Despair
Submitted by bobbyblanton on Wed, 05/30/2007 - 11:23pmWhat's it gonna take to break this?
Despair; how do I end up here so often? It's embarassing to admit, something chips away at me everyday. I wake up every morning refreshed and ready to take on the world and so often I end up back to bed at night broken and beaten and afraid. Yup afraid, I'm 24 and a man even, how about that society? I'm afraid, I'm afraid of ghosts and goblins and pings and pangs that exist inside of me. I'm afraid of the pain inside of me and the forces in the world that bring them out in me.
"I've been crawling on my belly, breathing out what could've been, I've been wallowing in my own chaotic, insecure delusion"
How much lower do I have to sink before I hit bottom? I feel like I have never known peace. I've tried so hard, and I"m still not where I want to be. I feel sick and restrained day-to-day, my eyes are on the sky and my everyday goals never seem like enough. I know there is more to life than pain and suffering but today I feel starved for proof. I wish I could cry but feeling I feel blocked, like I can't recognize myself.
I really like this song by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony and Akon
"I tried so hard, can't seem to get away from misery."
Anyways I always manage to pick myself up, I should have gratitude where I carry this pesimissm. I don't have to like everything in the world, but I wish I could at least appreciate my own efforts. Thinking about mental health organizing and revolution lightens my mood, if anybody feels like talking to me about any of that, send me a message.
Everyday brings a new sunrise
Everywhere others fall I wll rise