It is that Valentine's day again and I hate all this happy goo
I am the disgusting wolf-impe
An extra-terrestrial from the planet POO
I consume all the magic that gets in my way
Wielding those lovey dovey feelings with my foam sceptre

Right now I'm riding my stallion along the side of a river
Watching some happy lovers sharing cake as they row
I just can't wait until they get further down stream! You know,
I've been following these two all day, directing the flow
With my laser beam and silently silently hoping
My psychic impressions will lead them to their demise!
But for now I will leave them to their romantic compromise

I must be off to the Valentine's Dance--aaah Here we are!
There are the little wallflowers, look at them...'awww'
No one can see me as I am wearing this grey cloak
Down to the dancefloor I begin to do my part and then POKE!
'Ow!' 'What was that?' 'Hey!' 'Get off my toes!'
'Ouch! Hey was that you!' 'No!' 'Hey, who took my rose?'
Consuming all the ENGERY and that Valentine's Day cheer
Until someONE has to show up, that Bewildering Joilzh Mariner....

With his extreme popularity as everyone turns
While the sidekick pours ANTI-Gloom into their fruit punch bowl
Absorbing all the misery until the hysteria is under control
Alas, I feel so embarrassed for my pride is in ruin and so is my goal
But then I hear a scream and feel more pride within my soul

Down the river Nancy and Tom are about to go over the waterfall
I laugh to myself, and smile with glee!
I imagine this danger must have been sensed by Kruzader-Xxuzxd
For just now he flies down from his spaceship shooting slime everywhere
Until the row boat is stuck, STUCK, right there! Grrr I'm so mad!
And at this point I actually have begun feeling rather sad

So while Xxuzxd rescues the prisoners from this GOO
I silently ride my white stallion into the clouds above
Who needs the sunshine, the hearts, the candy, the love?
I know I will be welcomed for my obedience to
My fellow extra-terrestrials of the planet POO.

But back home I am struck with the worst terror and pain
For my fellow aliens have all gone insane
On planet poo the aliens are celebrating with Valentine's cheer
I imagine they enjoyed it for the first time...I wasn't there.