I should be asleep. I'm tired and the longer I stay awake the longer my cough will get worse and keep me from falling asleep. But I'm feeling alone and so I'm here to spit out all of my thoughts in some way that will stick better than trying to explain them to people who don't really care or don't really get it.

I've been doing this online dating shit. And the people that I'm talking to are mostly women. Because men are scarier. But I don't like women as much. Especially not femme women. Or even in-between women. I like really butch women. And transguys. And cisguys. Or at least that's what I think I like these days. So I've been maybe stringing this one woman along. But maybe not.

I just want to find someone and really like them. Why is that so hard? I know, I know, it's just the disney dream, but I still want it.

Moving on, and continuing to make little sense as I blather, I've been working on this zine thing that's super personal. I just want to be done with it already. I have the intro page to finish up, one picture/image to find, one whole page to do, and then the front and back covers. And then I'll have to decide what I'm going to do with it. No one knows about it, so I could just leave it in a box or something, but I have this weird desire to unleash it into the internet. It doesn't have my name on it anywhere, but it does have some pictures of me, minus my head. I thought I'd maybe put it up somewhere and then drop the link anonymously in some places and see if any of my regular sources pick it up.

God, I feel better already. I missed this. Blogging is good for the soul, or something. I came across a ton of notebooks today and thought about keeping a journal. But I've had that thought before. There's something about typing up my thoughts that's easier than handwriting. Partially because I can type a lot faster and more comfortably than I can write. And because there's something childlike about my handwriting. I mean, no one else has ever said that, but I feel that way. Typed up, things are more official. More substantial. And I'm less likely to throw them away and leave no trace of whatever I was chronicling.

Okay, time to make progress towards bed now. I should really remember this place. It's so good to me. Especially since it's my secret corner of the internet where none of the real world knows who I am. I think. I hope.