i just found this email i wrote to one of our peeps out west. it's making lots of references to a movie called The Dark Crystal that came out when we were littl 'uns.

do you remember when the two gelflings meet for the first time and they touch each other and suddenly both of them are flooded with each other's memories. that's what it felt like when i first met ashley mcnamara. madigan shive as well. i've actually had that experience a number of times -- meeting one of our kind and just pouring out our souls to each other. that feeling of being seen by someone you know really sees you. and it only happens with people like us cause no one else is intense enough to pour their heart out to a stranger like that. that kinds of intensity feels so far away to me these days. well i wish that i could just reach my hand through the computer screen and we could do some kind of gelfling mind meld but instead i'm looking at this box and not feeling inspired to pour my soul out into it.

i know that sadness, that feeling of loss, of something missing, taken away, but not knowing quite what. i spent a lot of my childhood like that. i was one of those kids that so badly wanted to believe in magic but the world just didn't feel magical to me. i found my magic on the silver screen, and in the endless hours of tv i pumped into my eyes.
in order to break the spell i rejected the entire fucking thing and hardly watched movies for years and years after age 15. my submersion into the underground has left me a bit culturally illiterate and in the last couple years i've been trying to catch up.
but anything that came out between 1981 and 1988-9 - i probably know it because i was mainlining popular culture. i think the dark crystal came out in 82.
there are so many things in that movie: the skexsis stealing the life essence of the pod people. i grew up in a big apartment building around pretty straight and quiet people - those scenes of the muppet pod people playing music in their houses and feasting - i remember watching them and just longing to be in a place like that. all these years later i sometimes think back to that feeling when i'm with my friends hanging out playing music - a bunch of folks crammed in a small space eating really good food we've grown, it feels so right to me. and of course they send the fucking garthem police to bust up our squats and homes.
what i've been realizing recently is how the monolith of mainstream culture isn't really a monolith. amidst the mindnumbing conformity, there are always people on the inside who are sneaking radical messages out there to get into kid's heads. i think there have been times in history when the rebel signal was much stronger - like the mccarthy era when they were blacklisting all the actors as communists, you know? clearly the establishment was scared about something.

but this is the really important thing i want to express to you my dragonfly friend, and i have a serious hunch that you've thought about this more than me (cause these are budding little thoughts in my head that want friends to play with and teachers for them to grow): i think these stories, these old myths of lost tribes and fairies and demons and wizards and magic -- i think we all have these stories embedded in our subconscious, they've evolved the same way our organs have evolved: very slowly, over time. the dominant culture knows how to play on those stories and trigger feelings in us that we don't even know we have. but different messages are getting through to different people. the fascist dream is of mass control but it can never really work like that for too long. i don't really understand what i'm talking about but i have an idea of it in my head. so the stories are really really old, the technology is getting faster and faster, but the stories are really really old. i think very old beings are transmitting themselves through the silver screen - channeling through people's minds into their art and then into little kid's heads. maybe i'm making too big of a jump here but i hope you can follow this train of thought and know i'm just kind of channeling and not editing myself cause it's more of a gelfling mind meld kind of thing but i think we're evolving into light creatures seven, this is what the peruvian shamans say who's practices i've been studying. we're evolving from homo sapians to homo luminous, or something like that.

i don't have all the pieces, but i know that it has something to do with the internet and our light speed communication technology. i think the visions i've seen since i was a teenager, that thing i always feel like i'm ranting about: how we're all going to die and live on on television, that has something to do with it. but that also might just be a trick, a hoax, might be fucking bullshit. i don't know. but this i do know: when the shard goes back in the crystal and the skexsis and mystics form into those light beings that so clearly seems to be a very old story about gender and the imbalance on our planet that has to eventually correct itself. how does transgender politics play into the myths we carry around with us and the future we're building? how does eli lilly? how does the icarus project?

what the hell are we going to be doing in 5 years? how are we evolving? i don't know, but i know i have my tribe and we're on the search for the rest of our people, and at some point, in the mythical realm or the physical realm or the spirital realm there's going to be some crazy crazy showdown and things are going to change. its been prophesized. i saw that shit in a movie once or something.

i'm gonna go outside and hang out with the apple trees. send my love to the crew,
sascha