Here goes. I had a great weekend. Or at least it was good. Awkwardness with the ex, so-so time with someone else, and then a great concert and some nighttime wanderings. The morning was hard, as mornings can be when they're filled with hangovers and sore backs from sleeping on the floor. And yet I managed to insulate myself a bit. I watched TV and ate the kind of food I like.

But then came Monday morning and life went back to shit. Nothing really works. No drinking allowed. My attempt at getting stoned last week didn't help my mood, so I guess that's out too. Cigarettes are bad. Cutting leaves marks which make me depressed when I think about ever sleeping with anyone again. Never mind about sleeping, even, just fucking. So...I'm pretty much left with eating food. Except that I feel like I need to use up my meals at school, which means not eating out. I even went up to my mom's apartment to see her. And it just made me angry at her.

So....now? I'm watching tv and eating Frosted Flakes. But I have to go to bed at some point. And go to class tomorrow. Ugh. I just feel like shit. I really don't want to do anything this weekend. I just want to curl up in a ball and hide under the covers. I've started getting headaches again, which at best means I'm getting my period and at worst means my meds are fucking me over. I still haven't done the work for tomorrow, come to think of it.

I just feel like I should be making progress. Instead, I just revert to feeling like crap every so often. My shrink said that I should know that I can call him, and I know I can. But I don't really want to. I mean, I don't have anything to say. Just that I hurt inside and nothing is worth looking forward to. And fuck that not-ending-a-sentence-with-a-preposition shit.

I really want to cut my hair again, but everyone I mention it to talks to me like it's insane, including friends and my mom. This feminine stuff is stupid. Really. I'm so tempted to just shave my head. But that's not really the hair I want. I just want my hair a little shorter. But I'm also tempted to do it in a way that I sort of know is stupid. We'll see what happens.

Fuck, even this blogging is not helping overly much. Back to just tv.