Today I'm trying something new. A sort of diet. Hoping so very much that this doesn't turn into majorly disordered eating. I've just decided not to eat carbohydrates or sugars. It's mostly a way of cutting out the foods that I eat when I'm not hungry: bread, candy, chocolate, etc. I was hungry today and so I ate an apple. It was okay and I've got a little bit of hope that this could work out. Maybe my diet will get better by the time I get back. Then I'll maybe have a prayer of recovering some more health, psychical and mental. And I'll be in a good position to restart my working out routine.

It is sort of fun. I just need to remember not to look in the mirror. I just don't like how I look. Too breasted. And too thick all over. Hopefully after this routine I'll be less thick all over. Thinner in the face and maybe thinner in the belly. Then I'll be able to separate any dislike for my body generally from any dislike for my breasts specifically. I can channel all of my desire to suffer into just letting myself be hungry or at least not eating the things I want to be eating. I have a hard time differentiating between hunger and cravings. But I'm trying.

Here goes, spending the next few hours by myself at an exhibit with my ipod. Good thinking time.