Spirituality and Trauma
Submitted by Sarsha on Tue, 11/09/2010 - 10:48pm
Traumatic experiences force victims to face issues lying outside the boundaries of personal and collective frames of reference. As a result they are forced to confront psychological and spiritual challenges that are unfamiliar to the average person. Therapists need to recognise that organisations of self and God are often thrown into question or destroyed by experiences of trauma. The deconstructive power of trauma exposes the lack of substance and cohesiveness that comprises identity and images of God.
Initially, trauma is grounded in pain, loss, and fear. Often it leads to breakdowns. Ultimately, with proper support and guidance, it has the potential to transform individuals into compassionate and deeply spiritual beings.
Traumatic events expose victims to aspects of life that most would prefer to ignore. Trauma creates confrontations with the lack of security and certitude that underlie all human endeavours. It has the power to throw into question or obliterate any organisation of self, God, and humanity. The implications of traumatic events assault anything considered sacred or foundational. Trauma brutally demonstrates that the ego (the rational aspect of consciousness) cannot contain or make sense of certain aspects of life.
Certain experiences, such as peak, near death, and mystical experiences often project individuals into another realm of consciousness that is often referred to as transpersonal or spiritual. At these times the ego is displaced or cracked open. This enables transpersonal dimensions of consciousness to emerge. Many of these experiences, despite their beauty and sublime character, are unnerving and terrifying.
Trauma, in addition to its ability to deconstruct reality horizontally in terms of belief systems and frames of reference, also initiates a vertical deconstruction. It either displaces or obliterates the ego. Victims are thrust into the realm of the Deeper Self without warning and preparation. This brutal exposure illuminates the fact that the ego is a mosaic held together by personal narration, continual feedback from others, and internalised object relations.
Trauma, in spite of its brutality and destructiveness, has the power to open victims to issues of profound existential and spiritual significance. The displacement of the ego forces confrontations with deeper levels of self and reality. Trauma throws victims onto a path that mystics, shamans, mythic heroes, and spiritual seekers have been walking for thousands of years. The difference is that victims of trauma must work this territory or be overcome by it. Non-traumatised seekers have the luxury of getting off the path at will; for theirs is not a life or death struggle.
In receiving appropriate care, compassion, and direction, victims can overcome the destructive impact of trauma, break through restrictive approaches to life, and become more soulful and compassionate beings in the process. Traumatic injuries, when accompanied by love and understanding, do not become places of deadness, denial, and disease. Rather they become bridges of compassion that connect victims to all sentient beings. Survivors accept that they can be broken, overwhelmed, and rendered powerless. These realisations are not considered shameful (as they were at the beginning of the journey) but are now recognised as the common ground that connects victims to all forms of life. Becoming comfortable with one's inherent capacity to be rendered powerless enables survivors to encounter the brokenness and wounds of others without fear.
it's interesting because
it's interesting because there's a lot written about Complex PTSD and spirituality - how it's very hard to have a sense of a loving universe when you have sustained long term trauma. i know my relationships with the divine ones - ancestors, nature spirits, goddesses - is i feel i have to take care of THEM to make up for no one else worshipping them, i am afraid to ask for stuff from them, i feel guilty and suicidal when i think about how awful the nature spirits are treated, i feel like my dead heroines hate me for being a wimpy....
a chirstian friend was telling me that by what parts of the bible people like she knows what sort of childhood they had. i find i treat the divine as flawed and limited and unloving as i experienced the world and my need to take care of my care takers. i have been working on that for the past few years, but it is hard to trust.
one of the main reasons trauma is traumatic is because it is the unthinkable happening out of the blue. how do we recocile that with a loving god? this is why i am polytheist. i stopped having to wonder what sort of omniscent being would make a world like this. but if there are infinite gods with limited powers and their own things going on, then sometimes Justice doesn't win, stuff like that. And in my tradition, there is good and there is the ambivilant. I used to be all Pagan hippie and say all nature is good, but that's rude I realized to a hurricane survivor who lost their home. Hurricane? Ambivilant. Maybe got rain to places farther away from the center, but people lost homes. Tranquilizers? Ambivilant. Good for panic attacks, but addictive. Things are situational. So I go with the polytheist many Gods all with their own thing going on complexity (with some monism like Hinduism saying that there is a fabric of all-oneness of everything in creation), and that evil is just stuff that we don't like, disrupts the harmony - other human's cruelty or ignorance, natural disasters, illness, etc. i don't have to be mad at God now or feel abandoned or bad anymore as a polytheist. plus i haven't had any experiences that there is one deity and none of the ones i have worked with ever implied in any way they were the many faces of one being. i don't think Coyote, Kwan Yin, Chango, Hekate, Lugh, and Ganesha are the same person, that seems ridiculously illogical to me. I can feel the oneness of all but it's not about them.
my current spirituality has a lot to be with systems theory science. like Gaia. we're all in systems. each cell in me is it's own thing - and a system like a liver, and a system like a body, and a system like a community, etc etc to the galaxy. self organizing systems that sustain life. my anarchist politics like this a lot. i like science. smetimes i sit outside and look at a tree and breathe out thinking "my breath to you" and inhale and think "your breath to me" and i always end up smiling, it's like when we breathe we're making love to trees. that to me is mysticalism. i like religion i can touch. and i like knowing that before i was born, these molecules in me were all sorts of wild things! and when i die they will be all sorts of other wild things! this cheers me up a lot. it's hard to feel isolated and alone when i think about system theory and ecology.
i really like ecopsychology a lot. it's this new psychology that says "hey, it's not all about the individual! we finally added the family system and sometimes the cultural system of racism and sexism and that, but what about the MAIN relationship we have? the Earth? why isn't anyone looking at how we've only had 200 years of everyone being so cut off from the earth, the mother, how is THAT messing us up? and what about the fact that our culture is suicidal and killing its home? this is a mental illness." they identify nature deficet disorer. how we have a lot of mental illness due to not having out main relationship - nature - anymore.
what i have noticed is that people with trauma backgrounds who dissociate tend to be pretty good at psychic work, i think it's because we can change states of consciousness pretty easily, we just have to train ourselves to do it the way we need at will. crazy people get confused and stuck between worlds, shamans are stable dealing with it. in indigenous cultures being crazy doesn't make you a shaman, that's a weird romantic thing our culture created.
also people with trauma backgrounds tend to LOVE animals, oh my god, LOVE them, much more than people. we love the innocent and vulnerable. humans, eh. some trauma survivors abuse animals a lot though, esp men. sometimes trauma plays out with people wanting religion to save them from the shame they feel - jesus save me from the sin of being molested. but i do think people with trauma pasts spend more time than most people wondering what the divine is all about. most people only question it when something bad hits them (my mom is a priest so she sees everyone when they get cancer). if you have sustained trauma, there's going to be a wondering of what the fuck is going on with the universe, trying to make sense of it. my reality of how the world is is NOT the same as most people. they havem't experiended what we have, they don't grapple with the same issues. they don't KNOW the same feelings.
i'd love now to edit a book on essays and stories by trauma survivors on religion and spirituality.
the shame sucks - i hate new agers and their karma boogie man of judgement. mom says christians do the same thing - if someone is suffering sometimes people will blame them by saying "your faith needs to be stronger and then you'll be fine"! that pisses her right off. people create bthis rituals and mojos to protect them from the reality that trauma can happen to anyone. they white light themselves, say positive affirmations, pray, follow rules, hate all the right people, eat correctly, all that - so they can think when bad shit happens it is the perspn's fault - they didn't do it right with God. this is where i hate religion. yes i do.
"When I tell the truth, it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those that do." -William Blake
A giant YES to everything
A giant YES to everything you wrote here! The part about making love to the trees made me smile. I also hate the newagey karma judgement crap (which many of my friends are so so into, argh!) I think that kind of rhetoric is linked to what Herman wrote about denial of atrocities- we all want to believe so much that if we act a certain way or are good enough that nothing bad can befall us. The idea that bad things can happen to good people and that it could be beyond your control at any given moment- thats pretty hard to sit with. And like you said, how do you reconcile a faith in a higher spiritual order with events of tragedy? How do you believe in both? Isn't the idea of what "right" and whats "fair" ultimately intrinsicaly connected to a divine will? I for one have no answers here, but I strongly do not beleive that tragedy befalls those who "deserve it" thats bullshit. I was trying to explain triggers to a friend and she said that sounds like ego and I kind of shut down. There are certain things that people cannot understand without living it. There exists only a very superficial understanding of the world when one has never experienced/seen the other side of it. Not that my connection or understanding of spirituality is complete at all.
I think survivors of trauma
I think survivors of trauma have a much deeper understanding of some things that other people cannot. Or we have to find a deeper understanding than most people do. The thing is most people WILL experience trauma of some kind, it's inevitable. A child will die; they will get cancer; they will experience some sort of emotional pain that doesn't "make sense". Religion a lot of the time is a denial safety jacket I think - It cannot happen to me, I am a good fill-in-the-blank. Then it DOES and their faith shatters and they lose their spiritual support system. Working as a psychic, I see the inner process all these different people have with struggling with God/fate/why things happen, and it makes me sad, they all blame themselves. There isn't much love in spirituality these days, but a lot of punishment.
They say in all the books I read that somehow survivors to feel healthy need to make a sense of meaning about the traumas. I still struggle with that. The only ones that work for me are political. We support power-over, competition, abuse of children, exploitation, crazy gender roles, a hatred of "weakness", a kill or be killed mentality. It helps me when I externalize why these things happened to me. Then I find meaning in working to end this mentality in myself and the world I live in. In myself is hard sometimes!!! But you know, when I send my used spirituality books to people in prison, it's because I just want to do what I think is right. When I make soap for the domestic violence shelter, it's the same thing. I am creating a little movement towards love, equality, growth, etc. I have no idea what to do about crime and prisons - I know prison doesn't work, I know death sentences don't work, I know criminals in general I really don't like, I know most of it is drug related. So I don't have a solution aside from radically changing our culture - but til then I can send these books to Pagans doing prison and mental hospital ministry. I could have if I kept doing heroin ended up locked up. I used to have way too much compassion for criminals (weird word), about their bad childhoods and crap, but that is what helped set me up to be a victim.
That ego thing - There are two uses of ego. One is the healthy ego psychologically - it is what helps up have a stable personality and be self regulating. I want a strong ego like that. Most trauma survivors have really weak and unstable ego states, a very shaky sense of self. i know I sure do. The other ego is the sense of seperateness that keeps us from experiences oneness with the Universe and compassion for others and all that. I think they are two very different things, personally. Also a lot of modern day mystics I like say that you need to really love and embrace your selfness, and at the same time you'll find that self everywhere. The thing is most of the NuAge people have NO understanding of their own spirituality, they are parroting stuff from books and haven't thought about it. It's like talking about first aid with someone who doesn't know about germs. I now don't have anything to do with NuAgers because I see how much they support the power structures that harm us all. It's not liberating or equal or loving. I struggle with the whole ego thing, too, I now know I need and deserve a strong ego, a strong sense of self. That was taken from me at a young age. I think if you dissociateyou just have an easier time with trance states and that ego-less spiritual state really. However, I think the ego state that keeps me from experiences the love of the universe, is my own shame. That's what keeps me from myself sometimes. My power, my self love, my safety, my joy. I struggle a lot with shame.
My Mom is a survivor of many years of sexual abuse from several family members and she's an Episcopalian priest (the super liberal Christians). She says that the Ressurection happens in all of us when we see our own innocence and beauty and goodness. We die to the illusions of our prepetrators, the feeling of being evil or bad or worthless, and are reborn in seeing our truth, our real wonderfulness. She's a liberation theologian. The resurection comes when we stop trying to be good and realize are already are good.
"When I tell the truth, it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those that do." -William Blake
Everything you say is spot
Everything you say is spot on. I especially relate to what you say about the shaky sense of self. I was never able to develop much of a sense of self to start with due to early childhood abuse and emotional neglect. Thank you for sharing and articulating these thoughts so well.
identity crisis
well i kept being told i had an identity crisis, so i just decided that DUH i would.
you all make me feel so good about myself because you GET what i am saying. what i don't understand is why the therapists don't? maybe i should edit a booklet from survivors to therapists, what they need to know.
i am going to bitch about some things i read in trauma recvoery books that stress me.
when they ask me to remember who i was pre-trauma, what i was like before it happened. umm, it's been a lifetime of nonstop trauma. there is no PREtrauma heather, i was formed within trauma. it makes me feel nagry and sad when they say that, it makes me worry i have no self that is undamaged. however i know that who i am is NOT due to trauma. it's not like i was this pure being of heatherness and then boom life changed and then it was post trauma life.
the nother one is in the 8 keys actually. her first key is to write your epilouge, she explains the reasons for PTSD very well, how one memroy part of the brain just doesn't get that it ended, the trauma ended, so it is not sending the right messages to the chemical bio self. one way to help that is to write the ending of the story. trauma recovery is typically so focused on the trauma time - that we forget we're OUT of that. so she suggests listing things since the trauma - i got married, i have blond hair now, i got my degree, i live in texas - whatever. this sounds very helpful and it is the core of recovery really, since PTSD is "just" the bodymind not understanding the it is safe now and the threat is gone.
but for me this is hard. until a year ago i didn't know i was abused. this stuns everyone when i talk about beatings and murders and guns and rape and homelessness - but i really thought everyone around me was abused and felt bad for them and like i was lucky (??). i have been struggling so hard to see this stuff as abuse to ME. since i didn't understand it even was traumatic and wrong, i don't want to start saying it is over - because it might not be? i just realized i have been abused, maybe i am now and don't know? i don't feel safe with this yet. she suggests a ritual of some kind marking the survivial, when i get ready to do that i wish we could all do it together, give each other purple hearts.
the other thing is - the trauma abuse is not over because therapists are often so abusive. i don't feel safe. ihave to deal with whack job doctors! i have servere tardive dyskinesia now! i lost 15 years to their fucked up misdaignosis and pills! right now i am researching TD drugts to help the nonstop painful lip sore causing movements in my jaw - but i don't have a psychiatrist! i need a PRO who knows how to taper these in and other things off (this medication i want is used for insomnia, ADHD hyperactivity, PTSD, and pain as well, so i think it might be a winner for me if it actually helps the TD) - but i am not sure how it'll fuck with other pills i take. this is stressful. this is traumatic. it is life and death and scary and it sucks - and it's the outcome of surviving trauma, the next trauma: psychiatry. the abuse is NOT over, now it's the doctors and all their power.
so those things in books have been upsetting me lately.
i have a great therapist i think now, he's all ACT and compassion, and i think he was a punk rock activist too, because he doesn't act weird with my story - we in some of the same protests/riots in london in 1990 even. he knwos all the bands i like and said it made sense i liked what i did (television, patti smith group, ramones, new york dolls, MC5, stooges). he knows the weirdo buddhism my uncle is and why 12 step programs and scientificlly unproven and also unsafe (filled with abusers) - he GETS what am saying. when i talk about all the fucked up hippies i grew up around in VT and ithaca, he is not shocked. other therapists - it's a culture they don't understand they don't know. he's doing intake now, and it's my second visit and we only are up to age 19 of traumas. i have never done this before, and it feels REALLY fucking good to lay the whole story on the line. i couldn't with other therapists, they didn't believe me that id din't run away - my parents did not care and left ME. they didn't understand the punk rock thing of traveling and the networks that existed or how i could go to college without going to high school or quitting heroin with no help. it's funny too, everyone of them asks "what troubles did heroin give you" and then i say "none, i wa smy most functional, i worked, i drove, i slept well, i had no fear" and they really don't like that. i tell them when i quit my mom was sure i was doing meth all the time i was so hyper and anxious. doctors tell me they'd give me heroin if it wasn't addictive. it's the only drug that i know works perfectly for me, hence i don't go near it. but ativan is addictive so why do they give me that?
anyway it is really nice to say MY truth and have him say "this is horrific stuff, it's not your fault" and i feel like i am an ADULT with him. i never get to say my reality to anyone, no one can handle it and they say totally WRONG things that make me hate myself more. i asked him today "everyone says not to isolate, but i am sick of the stress of people asking what i do and then why i am disabled and don't work and uggghghhhhh, and then i feel shameful because i have to not say my truth lest it freak them out or make them say the wrong thing and i get suicidal. is this ok?" and he said "right now, sure, it makes sense, it might not be a lifelong thing, but why deal with that?" so i am hoping support groups will give me places to be REAL. i am soooo sick of educating everyone how i need them to be and what PTSD is and all that - i do it with fucking doctors even. i'd rather be ALONE. except i feel very lonely lately.
ok i hope you all are well. i was thinking it would be cool to make flags like the POW ones for trauma survivors in general "we believe you, you are not alone, you are innocent".
"When I tell the truth, it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those that do." -William Blake
Ditto what I said before
Ditto what I said before about relating to everything you say. I'm so there with the isolation being better than people's ignorance, yet still hurting. I just last week found ONE friend who really SEES me without judging or making assumptions, and I believe it is a true miracle. I have had to empty out EVERYTHING from my life to get to this point. I mean, I am still working on the emptying out, I guess that is a lifelong process for me to get rid of all the harmful patterns of relating and thinking and reacting.
I also relate to the abuse not really being over. I've been in abusive adult relationships too - with partners, friends, and professionals - and I think you are totally wise to avoid making the assumption that the trauma is over - like it's all or nothing.
It sounds like you are doing such a good job. I have been so glad to hear about this compassionate and understanding therapist. There are a few good professionals here and there, they are just so hard to find, so I am glad you have found one.
thank soooo much to you!
thank soooo much to you! it is helping me a lot of know that you all have similar experiences and feelings about some things. xo xo good day!
"It's the end," said the caterpillar. "It's the beginning," said the butterfly.
Mindfulness and Radical Acceptance Heather Style
Radical Acceptance and Mindfulness are the two things DBT programs want you to learn most of all, it's the only thing that's helped me in 19 years od therapy til I started doing ACT (acceptance and comminitment therapy) and compassion therapy - but all of these come from Buddhism. You can find lots of books by Buddhist psyhcologists at the library now.
Radical Acceptance and Mindfulness in Practice.
So yesterday I was at day 2 of the DBT program. I had said before I started to them twice that if I didn't have insurnance approval set up I would not attend. By noon yesterday NO ONE even started it! They lied to me. Also the program is CHAOS, groups start and end whenever, there's no structure, they have clients calling suicidal on speaker phone with their office doors open totally triggering me, and when I start asking questions about the rules - who to call if I am sick, who to tell my doctor appointments to, can I leave and get fresh air, do I need to sign in and out somewhere - the basics, the director acted like like I had issues for wanting to know what was expected of me. It fucking sucked there. So I was brave and walked out! (then had panic attacks and dissociation all evening that I'd be punished, no one will believe me the crazy person against the authorities, fear about insurance costs, and a lot of anger, a lot! etc) I'm not in crisis and that place is so chaotic it made me anxious as fuck.
So in that how did I use radical acceptance?
I accepted that this program did not have what I needed. I wanted it to be otherwise. But it's not. Instead of getting angry or scared about how it's not, I accepted that and went to step two "what would be effective to do?' which was "get outside and go home and not be in this stressful place". Radical acceptance does not feel good always, but it liberates you from struggles you cannot win. I woke up this morning with a UTI. It hurts and I hate it and I wish I didn't have it, but I accept I do and then decide the effective step to handle it. My Dad sent me some money but he sent it later than he said - I can swell on this, or accept that is what he did and decide what is the most effective thing to do. For my long term goals. I accept that I have PTSD and a lot of therapy and therapists are not going to help me. I can get stuck in anger and depression and fear, or I can say "what's how it is" and decide the best way to handle that, ways to get the ones that help me and keep myself safe when seeing new ones and deciding if they help me or not, and figure otu criteria and stuff to know if it is good therapy for me. That's positive steps in taking care of me, the effectoive long term thing. I'd love to spend many more years hating my Dad for not being a good Dad and attempting to give him chances to be a better Dad, but I accepted that that's harming me, and it hurt, but I did what's effective and don't talk to him. I accept that I cannot have a boyfriend right now because I get into old abuse patterns. I'd like a boyfriend sure, but I accept that this is not the time, and I feel angry and sad but that's me dealing with reality.
Radical acceptance is WHAT IS. That's all you have to accept. people spend a lot of time in an alterntaive unvierse where things SHOULD BE FAIR. we do not live there, though, and would better direct our focus to this universe. they say anytime someone is really stuck in suffering they are no accepting something. whether it is having diabetes, that a friend is a herooin addict, that your cousin is always late and will not change, that you have to wait 3 hours at the doctor's office, that you are stuck in traffic, that you have side effects from pills, that you have a midterm, that you have a coworker who doesn't return phone calls, that you have dissociation, that you cannot afford a cell phone, that you're in heavy debt, that you cannot afford the massage you want - all you have to do is ACCEPT WHAT IS. you cannot improve anything if you deny its existance. i spent most of my life wanting things to be a certain fair way. i was very unhappy. i also was stuck waiting for the world to change. the world will not change, i have to accept the world. i do not have to LIKE it or APPROVE of it. i just have to accept it. i may not like that the sun is out - but i do accept that it is out because to be stuck in refusing to believe it is means i get a sunburn. so the key is accpet and then be effective for your long term goals of happiness and health and safety. i don't like a lot of what is, but if i accept it, then i can actively enngage from a place of power and realism. i get out of the struggle. if i spend all my time obsessing about how my coworker SHOULD return calls and how I SHOULD NOT have dissociation and how UNFAIR this all is, well, I suffer, no one else does, it doesn't meet my goals for happiness, and it leaves me powerless.
I refused to accept I was raped a year ago. If I accepted it, then it happened, then it was OK. But that's not what happened. I accepted it happened, engaged with the repressed emotions, started to feel real and solid, and know it was not OK. Until I accepted it, I didn't do anything to help myself.
If you feel frustrated and stuck, ask what you are not accepting. It might be that you won't accept that your mother won't take your kids for a day, so you're still arguing with her and getting worked up. It might be that you won't accept that your boyfriend just cannot understand your trauma the way you need him to at that monent, and the more you struggle to make that not true, the more your hurt. It might be that your friend told a secret of yours and you're ruminating on how unfair that is and she shouldn't be that way, and hence cannot act effectively with that fact that she is. It could be that you are trying to live on a budget that isn't working and you are scared to see that so you deny it. Radical acceptance brings peace because I stop struggling with things I cannot control.
The DBT program will NOT be less chaotic. Because I think it SHOULD be more organized doesn't mean it will be. So I can accept that and stop ruminating about it, and instead focus on what is effective here? Do I do the program knowing what it is like? Do I look for another program? Do I get a support group? Whatever.
Do I have control over them checking my insurance? NO. I hate this, but I have to accept that right now there is nothing I can do. So I have to let it go until I can do something. Thinking about it will eat me up and make me freak out, Not my goal, not effective.
It is about making a choice - and this is what is scary/liberating about DBT, learning to make choices. I really thought I'd die if I gave up my way of thinking and coping, but it's been a year, and it's helped free me somewhat. Do I always remember radical acceptance? heck no, but I usually get around to it when I notice I am obssessively stuck.
Mindfulness
This is the big thing for trauma and anxiety. Pain, the theory goes, is most often in the past, or feared to be in the future. Right now I am sitting in a warm house. There is no threat. Mindfulness is about being present. I tend to think if I worry I am somehow safe and prepared for some possible unknown attack - something experience taught me might happen. Not an unreal fear at all. However, once I learned that I am safer by being PRESENT, not dissociated or worried, then I could try mindfulness. I have issues doing it with people, I don't like being that aware when I feel so unsafe, I want to be dossiociated or I panic.
So thoughts about the past usually are about grief and thoughts of the future are usually about worry. We CLING to them. Mindfulness is just returning to the here and now. One thing is the 555. If you feel dissociated or flashbacky, look for 5 red things. Listen for 5 sounds.Touch 5 different textures. It brings you back - quick. It's to unhook and retrain the brain. Mindfulness meditation is basically this: You pick a set amount of time, I'd start with 3 or 5 minutes. Just bacause sometimes midnfulness at first feels stressful and weird. Then you just sepnd that time focusing on your breathe. Your thoughts will not go away, that's not the point. The point is to not get caught up in them. When you realize you aren't paying attention to the breat, doon't get upset with yourself, that's normal, just go back to the breath then. I do it 20 min a day and sometimes I think I remember the breathe 4 times! But it is still successful. The deep belly breathing stimulated the vegas nerve which in 15 min will turn off the sympatheritc nervous sytems floods of hormones that trigger panic attacks.
Sometimes when I am very stressed and think if I stop worrying I'll die, I tell myself, "for 20 min I'll do mindfulness, and then I can worry, it's just 20 min" and trick myself.
Other forms of doing it: detach from your thoughts by seeing them as leaves falling into a river that moves them away. Or just name emotions, don't anazlyse WHY you have them, that doesn't matter, but NOTICE, be mindful. Anger. Shame. Let them go, don't get sucked in, return to the breath when you need a break. That this ends up doing is teaching you that you are not your thoughts of your feelings - those change all the time! I'll have a feeling i cannot bear and stick wit the breath and suddenly I am wondering where that feeling went? I used tobe so scared feelings could kill me, mine felt so huge, but then I saw they don't. By doing mindfulness meditation you have more inner balance to handle the big emotions, flashbacks, overwhelming stimuli, etc during the day.
You can be mindful by focusing on a word, any neutral word like "desK" or "frog". you can count exhalations.
You can also do body scans, which was hard for me, but it helps with dissociation. Just NOTICE what's in your body. Start at the feet, notice the shoes, notice your butt in the chair, notice the pain in the shoulder, notice the taste in your mouth. No judgement, no good nor bad, just notice your body. This triggered me because I avoiud my body, but some people love it.
some people when they notice themselves thinking just say outloud "thinking". it's very fun in a way. you start to realize that thoughts are just thoughts with no real value aside from what we give them. or you can say "worry thought" "judgeing thought" "sad thought" whatever, just notice and observe and let go.
When I feel myself dissociating, very worried, or about to freak into an emotional trigger, I try mindfulness. Where am I? What am I doing? What's REALLY going on? Not in me, but AROUND ME.
Some people have stones they carry to touch to remind them to be here now. Some people have an alarm set to go off every hour or two and that tells them to be mindful and check in with "what am i thinking?" where is my mind?
ahhhh, well yes, i need to see a doctor and i am not happy with that day program of chaotic hell.
hope ya'll are having a good day. xo xooxooo
"When I tell the truth, it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those that do." -William Blake
ps it is really awesome
ps it is really awesome having you all in my life, thank you, powerful sisters i care!
"When I tell the truth, it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those that do." -William Blake