I really want to cut my hair, and I am going to. I'm just going to do and not worry that the state of my hair affects me too much or that I'm afraid of femininity or intimacy or whatever. Short hair, at least in the back and on the sides, makes me feel sexy. I like the way it feels. I can't feel sexy like this. So, yes, I'm going to get my hair cut. But maybe not right now. Maybe tomorrow instead of today. It's just that I have a date with a friend in an hour or so and my hair was once a topic of discussion between us. I asked him to stop telling me that I should grow it out again because it was pretty that way. He definitely told that to me at least three times, which makes it more than just an off-hand thought in my book. I was fucking pissed because I felt like he was gauging my appearance by what he found attractive. And guess what? I don't give a fuck what he finds attractive because I don't find him attractive. So it feels like he's standing in for the whole straight male world in telling me that I am good looking with long hair and less good looking with short hair. I got the same thing all over again when I saw my friend's family recently. On a very concrete level, if they don't know what it's like to have huge curly frizzy Jewish hair, they really don't get to make a judgement on what I should do with my hair. It was awful. I mean, I did like how it looked at the time, but I like my face so much more since I cut my hair. And I just remember this feeling of hot itchy hair on the back of my neck, especially in the summer. And it was huge. It got in my mouth and in things I was trying to do. Back to the aesthetics, I really prefer how I look with short hair. I am going to try having longer hair on the top/front, because I think I like that, but when I say longer, I mean about an inch longer than what I have everywhere else. Not that layer of frizz. Ugh, and brushing it and washing it. And putting shit in it to keep curls instead of just a ball of frizz. I forgot about that. I did fear a bit that my current fuck-buddy slash ex-boyfriend wouldn't find me attractive any more. I mean, he's had sex with me when my hair was shorter than this, but I think he always thought I was going to grow it out more. Well, tough. I like him and I like having sex with him, but I'll be okay without it too. And honestly, I'm not the biggest fan of his beard. I would find him more attractive if he kept it shorter or possibly shaved it off altogether. And I think that if I felt sexy and good about myself, I'd be more likely to have good sex elsewhere, but also more satisfied without having sex.