I’ve made all these blogs about how bad my situation is, blowing off steam, being honest.  I rarely take time to think about how much better I feel today than I did, say three years ago.  At the time I was just out of a nervous breakdown, it hurt to eat and sleep and do just about anything, my mind was a tornado of bad karma, prosecuting and invasive thoughts.  I was lost.  Deep down part of me thought I was going to die.  I though my balance had been destroyed forever. 

Today all of that basic stuff is easier, eating, sleeping, walking, sitting, sleeping, shitting, looking.  Even talking to people and socializing, they aren’t where I want them to be, and my love life is certainly not either, but they have all improved.  So I don’t want to sound like a braggart, I just want to be grateful for what I do have, so often I get hung up on the negative.  All of these people around me American Dreamin’ and acting like nothing’s wrong, they’re just straying farther and farther away.  I do not need to be jealous of them.  I have this goal, this goal of really healing, it’s kind of taken over my life, and I’m not there yet, but I think it’s necessary to stop along the way and look back and remind myself that I am getting closer.