Hullo everbody.i'm new here. I heard about this site from a brilliantly creative friend,whom unfortunately is not here with us today.Him and I were both "raised" in the mental health system, and we supported one another creatively in the sense that we both opened up each others' mind with many late night talks of philosophy, spirituality, art, books, poetry, and even radical mental heatlth politics. When he took his life before turning 27 the day before my birthday, I blamed myself. I knew he wanted to die, and not because of what is typically labeled by most as self hate, but because he was suffering. I myself have made several suicide attempts, and have been ridiculed by doctors treating me as crying out for attention when it was far from the truth. Today, I live, despite my illness and doctors and my father trying to "predict" when I will succeed in killing myself-and that,to me, is the best revenge.Unfortunately, my friend let the "genius of his own weight" crush him-cause he was a genius, and I don't think any less of him because he took his life-in fact-its proven to me,overall, that the values of the system must be restored. I've been a witness as well as a survivor of fascist practices in institutions. I can honestly vouch for other survivors, such as I, when I say the same places that are supposed to help you only hurt you more.It is not to say that some of us, when we our symptoms are active, don't need mental hospitals, we may, but at the same time, it seems, from experience, that even that in itself may just as well be a waste of time. I spent my whole life in em, and all I could say is in a really sick way it almost becomes a life style.I would compare it to that of inmates in prison, because the truth is, if you don't have money, if you are not britney spears or lindsay lohan or even OJ, and you are mentally ill, society deems you "useless", and thus packs you in with the rest of the cattle in some state loony bin. The doctors may tell you you are mentally ill, but than they have staff members, whom I refer to as "minions", that persecute you for being mentally ill like you've committed a crime-and in that sense, we get treated like prison inmates.Despite all the advocacy groups and whatever it is the mentally ill have on their side never means much in the end-i am grateful,don't get me wrong, and I'd say small changes like those have made a difference in my life as well as others who have some sort of chemical imbalance-but i also believe something more must be done, and there is progress, but still.This site is progress, and I sit and isolate most of the day always wanting to make a differnce because of my friends' suicide-his death inspired me to not only live for him, but to maybe, one day, when i make a differnce in my own life, make one for all the others like me who have had trouble getting by in the "outside world" because of "traumatizing" hospital experiences. Sometimes, and I will speak for myself only, sometimes, I feel more suicidal when I think about what would happen if I were to ever be hospitalized again, like, I'd rather die than spend the rest of my life in these places. Which is why I am,at 28, learning how to live (for a change).Because I know that if I don't learn how to survive on my own in this outside scary world, now, it will get harder, and its hard enough as it is, and if it weren't for my art and writings, as i understand this site supports any creativity, i believe i'd be dead today. If it were not for spiritual experiences, I'd be dead. I don't practice any form or belief of religion, in fact-i'm against all religions because I believe it to cause more problems in the world-i respect others' beliefs, however, it does not mean I agree with them. My spirituality expells are the laws as we know it of what religion supposedly is-i cannot tell my therapist, for instance, that I believe in telepathy without her telling me I'm bipolar or whatever, the same way if someone tells their therapist they believe in jesus, its accepted. Its just not the way the system works, and in that sense, there really is no freedom of religion when i'm told my spiritual experience is all wrong, and make it out to be a mental illness rather than something that may just work FOR ME.And when what we think is often misinterpreted by others in that industry as being a chemical imbalance rather than a profound experience that not too many people can say they had,well,its no wonder we always think we're sick and even end up having our symptoms reoccur.Its like the industry shatters our hopes and dreams on purpose, as to keep themselves in business.