Sometimes I really am just an awful person.

I don’t try to be, its like my head doesn’t listen to me.

I had like a semi- break down this Saturday. It wasn’t pretty, when I got home it was just awful. Poor Flick, he had to like sit and watch it happen. I honestly feel like he would have been better off never meeting me. I wish he could of met me when I was put together you know?
 
Anyways, after this weekends event I haven’t talked to him. He turned his phone off. I blew it…big time :( sucks. I am also going to an al-anon meeting tonight with my mom. I think it might be a little awkward because I am an addict. But I am not healed from the past, I have too many emotions towards him. I need to deal with it.
 
Here is some pretty big news….
 
So I have this secret right? That I have never told anyone, its secret about the things I did and the way our relationship was, the things that happened while we were together and the things I witnessed. I never told anyone these things. Not a single person.
 
Until Saturday night.
 
I got home a mess and talked to my mom, after awhile I picked up the phone and called my best friend. I woke him up, I was completely a mess, talking a mile a minute. He listened and I pretty much said I just need to get this shit out, I needed to tell someone and it turned out just the way I needed.
 
These secrets don’t hold me. I am setting them free. My story isn’t great, but it could always be worse.
 
Moral of the story? I need to get back on meds one..... that's obvious, but also I need to let go. I need to let go and let God. He has me and will take care of me. I am so blessed for my friends and family. I will over come anything. I have faith and I believe.