I just really can't trust anyone. and lately, i have been feeling blank, and empty. no rationality of either "pole," not normal. i don't even remember having those symptoms. I may have a little bit of it here and there, but it's nothing.

I haven't even been diagnosed. I don't know how to go about it. If I ever do, and I have, feel like there are aliens in my room, if I was messiahic, or that there were secrets, and a secret language being passed along, something going back to the government, or those absolute depressiv symptoms, I would just go into my closet, and bite my hand, probably why I haven't been diagnosed.

I wouldn't hav even known if I wasn't in pursuit of "Glass Vase Cello Case," finding Bonfire Madigan, and having a flyer sent to me. It took me a real long time to even think of going to the website, but I did. And when I as exploring on this website, I find the article on, "Anarchic Coordinates of Bipolar Worlds," and I read it. And almost every thought on that page, were experiences I had. But I would always keep quiet, afraid, anxious, like I had to keep it all a secret.

And after recognizing what it possibly could be, I had seen a commercial about Bipolar depression, and information on how to be a part of a clinical trial. It took me a little while to get there too. And when i read over those symptoms, I said to myself, "that's me," and I had recognized all of those symptoms as experiences I had. I didn't know what to do.

And it was then, some time after, that fell into depression, for months, still a young person in high school,completely isolated. I can't even remember what it felt like, and I don't know what to do. But I don't get it, why i have so much anxiety to explode, and how I have been showing Obsessive - Compulsive Disorder.

I really don't know what to do.