i want to help start an icarus project here. i know a lot of people who have bipolar. we just find each other somehow. i just need a bit more consistancy. i am getting better tho i think overall. i think neem and garlic are really great for the physical stuff and then also the fish oil is great for the brain. and b vitamin shots which i have not done lately. cayenne is going to help my bladder stuff i think...and cranberry. cayenne is specifically good for neurogenic bladder tho which risperdol may have caused according to my urologist.

i think about people here a lot. i have icarus dreams. we have gatherings in the woods and such. we are a magical group of travellers in the dream world. it is better than virtual reality tho that could be cool in the future for this internet stuff. oh our avatars could be so interesting.

the daily buddha says to train the mind well. ok. i will try that.

but i am not so good at letting go of attachments. i am almost a pack rat. then i go on frenzies now and then where i throw too much out, even important things.

well it is good that j is on the computer writing and such a lot because i need to learn again to be on the computer less and focus on some things that need to get done. but still. i want on here sometimes when i can't be on here. i am sure i am on enough tho. well, last year, lightning struck my computer and it was out for three months then magically came out of its coma one day. i got a lot done in those three months. i did tons of art. i withdrew from pixel addiction as i could not focus on tv or movies either. it has been proven that we get pixel addiction.

my athlete's foot acted up again. ugh. then lymph nodes too. so a little slump but it is overall still better. the feet have been bugging me for a year now on and off. they act up when my immune system is overloaded it seems. i have no money for foot cream. i have to search for some garlic cause that helps. the vinegar thing seemed to make mine worse. it is supposed to help...but it made mine worse. not sure why. maybe i did the wrong ratio of water and vinegar.

my mood still rapidly shifts and such but in a lower key way than before and i am overall, overriding all this, very happy in my soul. i can be happy with these contradictions. it is not just fleeting either like i usually think it is, happening in flashes...no, now it lasts a lot longer, the happy glow and flow of things.

i am so fond of icarus too. i am so proud to be a part of this. i am so ever grateful to those who started this group and all those who keep it growing.