"Something filled up my heart with nothing, someone told me not to cry."--The Arcade Fire
I'm really excited about having this blog. I'm more excited that no one will ever know that it's me behind this computer screen. I can write and write and write and my mum'll never find it, my brothers won't ever find it. My sister'll probably find it somewhere in time. She's probably right behind me as I'm writing this anyway. I remember after her death I grabbed a 40oz from the gas station that was real close to this abandoned building downtown. I grabbed it, paid for it and ran out the door. I ran behind the building and gulped it down. Down through the hole through my throat and through my stomach and mind. I sat there staring upwards towards the sky. I asked the breeze to blow and it did. I asked her to talk to me, she didn't. She watches though now and again, I know it.

and so anyways...

ever since you slept with the person that I'm trying to fall in love with I've had this really down feeling. Almost like a rotting in the pit of my stomach. But I know that it's not that. I just can't stand the way you speak out loudly about it. I try to understand and let things go the way they're going...after all, I cannot stop it or anything. After all, all is fair in love and war.