greetings, fellow icaristas,

I am just writing to introduce myself.  My name is Amy.  I live in Buffalo, NY.  I have been involved in the psychiatric survivor movement only for about six months (since I read "Mad in America").  I work as a peer training peers, providers and others in stigma and advocacy.  The scope and focus of my work has changed dramatically since linking up with mindfreedom, icarus, etc.  I will be hearing back in March/April about getting back into University of Buffalo's MSW program (which I completed half of 4  years ago).  It is 50/50 due to outright discrimination and the non-thorough way I went about leaving my second year which led to failing grades rather than a withdrawal, despite the fact that all of my teachers and admininistrators were verbally informed two months before the end of the semester that I was not coming back...it wasn't in writing (damn ADA's one year statute of limitations...do they not know what depression does to you?).  I have tentacles in a few other places, including looking into NY's Empire State College to receive an online Masters in Public Policy, which I have spoken with the director and it looks more promising for my admission there.  I would apply around the state, but do not wish to move at this point.  Moving always worsens my anxiety for a good year, and I have built up a good network (via the arts scene and Al-anon) where I presently am.  I am uncertain of my career path, but the reason I mention it is because it has been so intertwined with my personal path.  My biggest mission these days is to get the truth about psychiatry and medication out to as many peers and providers as possible.

I am (I say this tentatively) a poet and singer/songwriter.  it is tentative b/c I have periods of inactivity and because I am not assured in my abilities at this point.  My brother has had much more published than me and my sister is completing her MFA at U of Wisconsin which accepts 8 poets every two years, so, my confidence in my work is not the best.  I also just know I am not the best poet and do not have the music theory or even an instrument to write music with.  It just comes out how it comes out.  You can see some of my stuff and read a short autobio at: www.geocities.com/artisticdisobedience  I have yet to learn how to upload songs (and do not have the equipment to even record them), so sorry for that.  I only have a computer at work.  Hopefully, soon things will come together a little more for me in that regards.  I have a decent singing voice.

I was never diagnosed with bipolar, but I see that as more of a fluke of the system (along with what I have been diagnosed with) than anything.  I, as most people, fit into dozens of the DSM IV labels, which is why I have wholesale rejected them.  Unlike Thomas Szasz, however, I do believe there is a biological component to people's suffering, as there is to our joy.  The brain, as the rest of the body, spirit, environment and social connections and conditions, are involved in everything.  The problem is we haven't found answers to any of our questions about the brain, except for some forms of epilepsy and general understandings of what regions control what (though I think even this has been lacking)...yet psychiatry and the mental health system is pretending we have.  Today's medications are, to me, an "ends justify the means" thing at best...I say at best because many people suffer more on meds than off.

That said, I am not here to judge anyone, just share info., art and my own personal experience as...I forgot to mention...a trauma survivor (child physical and psychological abuse at the hands of my mother) and just a person, period.  I try to share who I am with all different kinds of people, because only when we break silences can all forms of oppression end.  Did I  mention I am a grassroots activist interested in the environment, peace, and healthcare?  I am also 99% against capitalism because of how it has built in it an exponential factor that has led to our current hypercapitalism.  I don't say a full 100% because I appreciate the notion of individual responsibility and would rather live in a place like the Netherlands where they seem to have a lot of this worked out (not that they don't have their own set of issues, but you get my point).

 I can be verbose.  It's the writer in me.  I actually write very fast (this has probably taken not more than 15 minutes), so I don't expect others to respond to everything, as I understand not everyone can type at the same speed or are just more thoughtful with what they write.

I am a part-time personal care aide for a dear friend of mine and a volunteer big sister.  With all of these things, not to mention taking a class at church (I go to a very liberal Christian church but don't identify as Christian) and going to al-anon and therapy weekly, I am at present, overcommitted and this is an issue I am looking for help around.  I can't seem to decide what to drop...although, imminent school will change things for sure in a few months.

I also have hyperarousal due to trauma and am working on the issues of trust, boundaries, shame and necessary emotional risk with a therapist and with friends in general.  I am plagued by anxiety, compulsions, chronic pain (Fibromyalgia), self-esteem, righteousness, etc. ...most of which have their up sides as well...I am generally sensitive, hard-working (though I tend to procrastinate on paperwork!), ethical, etc...  Like Icarus, I traverse the entirety of the canvass of the sky.

I have been perusing this site for a week or so and am very inspired, relieved and honored to meet all of you.  you'll learn more about me as time goes on, and I look forward to getting to know some of you.  I continue to evolve lately at a very high speed, but still, one day at a time.

see you soon-

Amy