she is not doing so well
Submitted by wallflower on Fri, 12/19/2008 - 3:29pmi have not been very nice to myself lately.
no i do not care to go into details, its not like i'm not enough of a freak already. but i dont know, i just blahhhh
i am in a strange state. i dont think i have ever been on this plain before. last time it was different, it wasnt like this, it was hell, but this is more purversed hell. more twisted and sick. last time was just sad.
i am not doing so great and i dont really have anyone to talk to about it. so i am blogging.
how very generational of me.
i am not sure how to deal with my emotions. i am desperately trying not to use, i want a year so fucking badly. so i have been taking out my stress in other very negative and self destructive ways.
not really sure where i am going with this, have any of you just not been nice to yourself? the stress is getting to me....
i wish i would get better though, i am sick of being the girl with the problem. i wish i knew how to function happy. gosh do i ever.
hey there
Boy do I ever know this routine! It is hard to be nice to yourself when you feel so badly. I try to start little. I know it is hard to get up the energy but sometimes I just like to do something fun anything to get me out of my head. I have toys, or taking a walk or reading a good book, or a movie...something to get you outside yourself. I also try hard to not lose touch with my friends, any friends I may have (and yes sometimes I have none) sometimes just an email to a friend asking how they are doing can get a conversation started that gets you out of your head.
I know this is tough though.
Please know that I am thinking of you and remembring to be kind to myself too.
Squirrel
How to be happy anyway
Hi,
Yup, I know the merry-go-round also. Sometimes it is just a matter of knowing that being in my head by myslf is a really bad idea.
I have pets to keep me out of my self pity. I can't worry about me when I have so many adorable loving critter friends to take care of. It has been several years and now I have gotten out of the habit of dystroying myself in demeaning ways. I have the unconditional love of so many of Gods creatures. They know the real thing. They know how to love and show love. Humans (WE me too) have a spiritual sickness that leaves us with a hole in the middle of us that can only be filled by letting in something or someone who is incapable of the intent to hurt us further. The only place that exists is in Gods creations (other than humans).
For me that is God and any possible way God can demonstrate that kind of love to me through his creations. He shows his love to me through my critters. And I am especially crazy about the babies. They are like we were, before we ended up in situations that made us so spiritually sick. Physically or emotionally it doesn't matter. All that matters is HOW we choose to gather ourselves and decide to chase after anything we can to find Gods blessings. Like the unconditional love I was talking about from my critters. Gods blessings are everywhere if we just open ourselves to look for them.
I know some people find that kind of awesome amazement from walking in the woods or with a camera taking pictures of nature and wildlife. I know others who draw or paint and you don't have to be good at it. The point is, taking yourself out of the negative merry-go-round in your own head and making new connections in your brain by taking yourself out into Gods world. Into the world of blessings. Some are huge but most are small so we need to be on the lookout for them.
I am 26 year sober (not that the length matters) and I am here to tell you that I couldn't even say God when I started out (I said goddess) but the same applies. It is the getting out into creation and letting the awesomeness of it surround you so that you'll FORGET yourself. You can't feel like crap when you aren't even thinking about y-o-u.
Before you know it your brain will have the habit of seeing the wonder in life. After a short time you will not even be aware of the negative pangs any more. You can't think two ways at the same time, therefore you will feel good when you are consciously looking for natures blessings. You will just feel good about life.
Once you know that there is a God out there with all that good stuff for you it will empower you to have a new state of mind. You will know how to change your mind whenever the negativity tries to creep back in again. It is just like the Serenity Prayer. Just go out in Gods World every time your world seems crappy and look for a blessing (anything that makes you smile or feel good) it will become like snapping your fingers and having a new attitude. New habit = New attitude.
Sue