December 14 2009, 12:46 am

Today I am depressed. Depressed is a word with a lot of potential meaning. I would like to define and clarify it for myself, to say exactly how I experience it. In a way, it isnt me at all. Its the world. Maybe its my outlook, an outlook, a feeling about the world. I am hashing this out as I type it. That is the reason for all of this verbosity. This isn't well though out stuff for someone else to read. This blog is room for me to think and a place for me to record my moods so I can keep track. So if anyone decides to read this they should expect nothing more than self serving rambling. Just saying. Just being honest. Anyway on with what I was blogging about. Depression, a perception, my outlook, right now, totally bleak. I have free time now that finals are over and what do I want to do? Nothing at all. Well, I did want to see my friend but she went missing. None of my friends that I care to see are speaking with me right now. I dont do anything with my friends. I dont have any of my own hobbies. I dont have anything to lay back on. I want to die. Nothing is enjoyable. Nothing excites me. I don't like anything. There is nothing worthwhile. I just pass the days, stuck on the couch, watching tv, eating food, getting fat which makes me hate myself. What would I like to be an alternative to this? I dont see life being better. It sucks. Its terrible. If I was going to do anything else what would it be? there is no answer If I could spend time with anyone else who would it be? there is no answer, none that I know. ..actually, I would like to make some cupcakes, and I even have the cake mix and frosting, but I dont have anyone to share with so... why bother