So I am starting with a new therapist on next Thursday. I know this is the right thing to do. I was not successfully getting my point across to the other one. She had a VERY confrontational approach to stuff that really did not call for confrontation at all. I had it in my head I must be the crazy one, I must not be able to trust my own judgment....

We ALL know what that is like.

It's the mental health oppression piece. If you get labeled you are insane enough and early on in life, and you believe it...then you feel like you are always second guessing yourself and you can never trust your own judgment in situations. I have actually never been psychotic and my judgment has never truly been compromised. However, because of my PTSD and the flashbacks and stuff- people have been trying to convince me for years that someone I am insane. The sad thing is I believed them. I had to go talk to 3 different other professionals to reassure myself that I wasn't insane for needing to terminate therapy with this woman.

I have had a lot of struggles in my life, especially with relationships, but I am working hard to overcome those struggles. I am not abusing substances or engaging in self injurous behavior any longer, I am not violent toward others. I am not violating their boundaries. When I get upset I go to my room and isolate usually. I had a fight with M, the girl I was friends with that became more than friends....but neither exploited the other. It was a mutual upset and dissention. I don't start fires, or rob banks, or steal things.....

I am not the badguy here. I guess I felt attacked on numerous occasions by her. She didn't even try to join with me at all. She didn't have any desire to listen to me or my experience. The second I tried to tell her what I was struggling with she became closed off and hard and didn't seem to want to hear any of it, trying to somehow tell me it was an excuse or something. I still don't know what it was an excuse for.....

I'm not perfect, far from it. We all have issues. I have so many problems that stem way back. I'm not claiming my life is in great shape or order or anything, but I am greatful to have a roof over my head, a job and food in my stomach and some of the time I am happy. The last thing I need right now is one more person to come along and tell me what I'm not doing well. The tapes are already there....believe me!

So i think I made the right choice. We'll see how this new person works out....