I hate this so much. I feel fucking awful. I'm crying almost every day.  The only way I avoid it is by watching stand up on youtube until I'm too tired to do anything but go to sleep. That does suppress it pretty well. But now I'm in a bad way. I feel like there's nothing I can do about my situation. I want to take down all of my posters and just sit down all day every day and do work until everything is done. I bet I could get my div done in one semester if I gave up socializing and watching things and napping. And I think it would be worth it. I don't know what the hell I'd do next semester, but I just need something to take up my energy right now so I don't think about how much everything hurts and how much I want to fucking murder my goddamn roommate and burn down this house and just die. But that's not really what I want. I just want to get the hell out of here and be in the city and hang out with Michael and see my mother and have a real job with time to see friends and read things I like and not have to deal with bullshit advisers who don't advise and having no privacy and not being able to cry outside. I need to be back in a place where you can cry on the street and no one notices or gives a shit. I need to be in a place where I know I'm never going to see these people again. I need to have friends who actually text me back and who want to see me. And who I want to see. V did get me to go over there, but then they were so much closer with D and on a level I just didn't share. And then A,K,and D all watching that goddamn show I really dislike. Why the fuck would I go all the way over there to watch that shit in someone else's room. Oh, right, because I fucking hate this room. I really want to take everything down. Why did I bring these books? I'm not going to read them. Why did I bring sex toys? I'm not going to have sex with anyone and I'm not going to have the chance at enough privacy to relax and masturbate properly with toys. Fuck you piece of shit. I hate them. And I hate them even more for being a really nice and reasonable human being. The storage closet doesn't have any outlets, which really sucks. And I don't know if things can really fit in there. And I don't know how much I'm going to hate not having any windows. Right now I'd take anything, but what if I'm wrong and it's even worse and then I feel like I can't slink back to sharing a room? I think it's still worth a try. I'm going to use the bathroom, change into pajama pants, grab my mouthguard, get a glass of water, and take my headphones and laptop up to the qca and sleep there tonight. I just can't be in this room. It's driving me insane. I'm going to play with sketchup and the model of the storage closet and I'm going to fall asleep, possibly crying a little. okay, here goes...