I won't do it. Not here, not now.  I don't care what I have to do to stop it.  I'll bit my tongue until I gnaw straight through.  I'll choke it down until I asphyxiate.  I'll hold it back until my will gives way.  Not here, not now. 
 
Stop bouncing around inside of my head!! I can't let you consume me.  I just CAN'T let that happen.    
 
*15 minutes later*
 
Ooops. I failed. Aww man! Having an "episode" while at work is just plain embarrassing.  But I guess that's what happens when I put so much unnecessary weight on my shoulders.  I need to NOT do that.  So many bum deals this month, so many bad things.  I just need to cope creatively and constructively instead of brooding in this puddle of badness...ish....stuffs.  At the DBSA group I learned one valuable thing; take some time to be your own best friend. I feel myself starting to head out of this depressive valley I've been hanging out in. I've just been chillin in a wet cave down in the bottom of the valley, but now I can feel that I'm going to make a run for the top of the mountain. And I mean RUN! No peaceful ascent here, I mean full on balls-to-the-wall sprint.  That's my poor metaphor to for the manic episodes. See what I did there? The dark valley is my depression and the sprinting is my sudden mood change and.......yeah...you get the idea.  Anyway, since I'm feeling this coming on, I need to be my own best friend and watch out for myself.  I need to make sure I don't let my episode control me.  I've got to get to bed early and not go for a week without sleep.  I need to eat, and eat healthy instead of going for days without food, or worse, living on pop-tarts. 
 
Anyway, back to work now.  I don't think they pay me to write blogs, but that would be hella sweet.
 
-Anthony