Just because you're paranoid, Don't mean they're not after you.
Submitted by rabidpsychosis21 on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 3:39am
1.13.2009
I like to think that the paranoid thoughts aren't true by telling myself that if they were true, someone would tell me... right? Someone would slip up, or someone would feel bad and see that what's happening is wrong, and they'd tell me. This world can't really be completely jam-packed with mean, scary people.... right? SOMEONE would tell me. SOMEONE would come up and say "Hey, girl I know about but never met, you're not crazy, people really are doing that", and I'd feel this huge weight off my shoulders, be really scared, and probably start crying and shaking.
But then I think, What if it's just all the 'wrong' people? What if the people that started this are way organized and only shared with others that they knew for a fact wouldn't tell me. But someone would leak it, right?? Someone would slip up. They'd have to slip up, you can't possibly keep a secret like that without cracking to SOMEONE, to at least one 'right' person. Isn't it impossible that a group of people could keep something like that without slipping up? They're not the Freemasons or some shit like that, right???
And what if it's somewhere on the internet? A cop or a 'right' person would have to find it and do something, right???? Or would it be like that kid that OD'd in front of his web cam, chatting to people while he took one pill at a time and other's encouraged it. He died in front of their eyes and no one stopped it. I think someone did something when he died... but that's way too little, way too late.
One of the scary things, to me, is recalling some statistic or study or something about how people in large groups tend to do less than say, one or two people. The more people that witness something, the less likely someone is to react because they assume that someone else will do it because they're in a crowd full of people. The thing is that almost everyone in that crowd is thinking that someone else will help, and no one gets helped. The most famous case is that of a woman running up and down her street, getting stabbed to death while her neighbors watched.
This gives me little hope.
The other thing that makes me feel like people 'know' is how they look at me. It's not that they look at me, it's how. I can't seem to escape the three-headed look no matter where I go, I get it from at least one person. Do I speak gibberish? Do I actually have three heads? What the fuck. I try to ignore it, but at the end of the day, it does get to me. I just want proof, damn it. Just some solid evidence that I'm not crazy, or that I am just paranoid. Just some fucking proof, damn it. I don't think my mind can last much longer if it keeps thinking the things it thinks. Granted I've been way better, (I can actually get some sleep and I don't sleep with a knife next to me anymore) but it still comes back, and eats up my nerves.
(the next posts will be more recent, I just wanted a base to let people know where i'm coming from, ya know).
They are after you if you let them!
They are after you if you let them!
Let me tell you a story, in 2006. I had to go to San Jose, California for a chronic pain clinic due to the fact that I have chronic pain. I have heard voices now for 16 years to take a few years. In that time. I injured my back, working as a nurse at Kaiser Hospital in Sacramento.
Anyway at the clinic had been there for about three days and as things go from a voices in my head.
Name even though I was more than 100 miles away from my house. I was paranoid. I was scared, but also I was away from the house. The safety of my surroundings than I was used to.
At this stage in my life. I was on the cusp this of getting used to the voices in my head. But I needed something to push me over, measured the doctors state it is just audio hallucinations. Here take this pill take that they'll go away after a while, that shit didn't last very long. I stopped taking the pills within six months of getting on them when they made me more suicidal. anyway back to the story a great deal of pain as usual. I find it hard to sleep at night so I laid up there in my hotel room in pain. Playing my Xbox that nature that it brought with me, and I could hear the voices going at it with with me.
No big deal, I was used to this but there was something different that night, I could hear him say pleading like I had pleaded before. Leave me alone get out of my head. Will somebody please help me! And all I could say was don't listen to them might them be rude custom do what ever over and over that night.
This lasted until about four o'clock in the morning when I finally fell asleep. At seven I awoke fixed breakfast took a shower turned on the TV to listen to the local news. I follow the news regularly, then the report came on, the newscaster announced that a man had drowned himself in the canals of San Jose, California.
The night before, at about three to 4 a.m. in the morning. Witnesses said that he kept screaming, leave me alone kid out of my head running up and down the canals. Next to their houses, but no one came to help them, I try to help them. But as usual, I was blocked out screamed at. To this day, March 5, 2009. I still think of that man.
You may be paranoid, but they are real. Never forget that they are like animals, waiting to pounce on the weak. There is more to follow, but for those who live in Northern California. You know my name you as you know my name of fun been looking for a place to speak out about you. So if your doctor is said to have audio hallucinations come to stick it up as ass, because the way I see it this is part of evolution human evolution and future is here, folks
Life is lived moment to moment, it is like a glass of fine wine, enjoy life to it fullest for you only get one chance unlike drinking that glass of wine.
Semper Fi
Always Faithful