Recovering from surgery is incredibly boring. I mean, it's a good chance to catch up on all of the television and such I haven't been watching, but there's only so much of that I can do. I guess I really will get a chance to make a dent in my reading list.

I hurt less, for the most part. I think I just itch a lot now. Well, I hurt a bit, underneath, where the main cuts are. And my back is killing me when I try to sleep. I just want to sleep on my stomach or my side, but that's not looking likely for a while longer. In the meantime, the muscles in my back like to clench up and make sleeping on my back unpleasant. Last night I took a vicodin to deal with it and that worked great, but I'm trying to be really careful about taking them. A little bit of substance abuse fear.

I still haven't told any of my friends, which I'm realizing might be an issue, or might be a non-issue. I feel like lots of people wouldn't notice, or if they did, wouldn't know what to say. So maybe that'll be convenient. Going back to school isn't really on my mind. It's the few friends I might want to see sooner than that. On Wednesday I have an appointment with the surgeon to take off the dressings, I think. Some of the tape can come off before that, but not the bits on the real cuts. 

Anyway, I think I can be in a position do to some hanging out after that happens. But before that I'm just telling everyone I'm sick and trying to keep myself busy.

There's one point on the right side that hurts, I think. And a point on the other side, in roughly the same place, that itches, I think. It's hard to tell what the sensation is exactly. Not that I need to. I just need to entertain myself until Wednesday. That's how I'm framing this right now. Get some reading done, get some sleep in, whatever else presents itself. Without letting myself get too weak, I guess. Went out to get pizza today. First walk outside since I got back on Monday. It was alright, but I was a lot less comfortable then than I am now. I think I could walk to the grocery store tomorrow. I can't carry anything back from there, but the exercise would be good.

I'm trying not to think about clothing or body shape until I'm out of the tape at least, if not for a while longer. They say a week for normal activity, probably minus carrying. Until the tape comes off will make it about ten days. So after that I can re-evaluate. Right now I just want to take off all the tape and scratch the itches. But I'm stronger than that, I know.

I want them to heal so I can touch them. I'm not freaked out by how they look so far. I thought I might be. You know, the lines, like a sewing pattern, where they put me back together. But I think they did a good job and mostly I'll just see my body. Then there's the issue of sensation. I've been told touching and such can help with recovering and re-establishing sensation, but that's definitely waiting for tape removal, and possibly longer. Don't want to go playing with anything that's still in intensive healing.

I have some vague thoughts about the name Athena and liking it more and exploring identities, but right now my identity is as an invalid. Recovering and being patient. I can do that.