Reporting back from Buffalo

Hello everyone, this is Ashley typing from the train on the way back from a marvelous trip to Buffalo, NY.  I got invited up there by an awesome Icarus member who works as a peer advocate at one of Buffalo's peer-run mental health agencies. She asked me to come give a workshop to the monthly advocate's assembly and to be one of the featured speakers at Buffalo's first ever Mental Health Empowerment Rally, which was called "Resisting the Myth." It was really inspiring to learn more about the network of mental health peers/consumers/advocates who are working together to try to change the system from the inside, and to get a glimpse into some of the arts and activism going on in Western New York.

The trip began with bizarre beauty as I barely made my train and found myself speeding under a blue sky full of perfect white clouds, devouring my lunch and almost immediately engrossed in a conversation with the train's conductor. Inevitably we were soon discussing The Icarus Project and he was asking me rather invasive questions about "what the hell is manic depression anyway? I have an aunt they say is bipolar and she's a whack job. They've got her on so many meds she has a whole suitcase full of them..." I found myself, once again, trying to humanize the situation, telling pieces of my story, explaining about extreme states, language, hospitals, pendulum swings, lifestyle choices, balance, and our crazy world. He became fascinated, empathetic, and kind. I left him with an Icarus card to give his aunt. Who knows where that will go.

After lots of reading, writing, gazing, napping, and daydreaming about my near future (where I'm moving back to California!) I finally found myself in Buffalo, where Amy picked me up and drove me off through downtown. As we wound through Buffalo's old buildings and many traffic circles she explained in detail about the network of peer-run mental health agencies in Buffalo that advocate for people's rights, help them connect to services, and host various activities aimed at engendering recovery, like self-help groups and leadership trainings. As someone who has found my pathways to recovery outside the system, and who works on a mental health project whose initial mission was to "create an alternative support network," this was all fascinating to me. After spending a day at work with Amy I found myself coming away with quite a bit of respect for people who do chose to hang in there and stick with the system, as well as with a lot of gratitude for those of us at projects like TIP, the Freedom Center, and Mindfreedom who receive no government funding and have a lot more latitude in terms of our message and our politics. It seems to me that the world needs some of what we all have to offer – concrete services and strategizing about basic human rights like housing and health care, as well as large doses of revolutionary energy, art, activism, and creative alternatives in healing.

But back to Thursday night. Amy picked me up and we drove along talking a million miles a minute, swung by Buffalo's great food co-op to stock up on food for the weekend (yea to thoughtful hosts who take such things into account!), and then went to meeting of Ice Nine, a poetry performance group that she co-founded a few years ago, and which is preparing for a performance at Buffalo's infringement festival. They ran through the current outline of their performance, which includes "Poetry Idol" (a take-off an American idol, where poems are read and then critiqued by a satirical panel of judges who take marks off anything that is unpatriotic, too genderqueer, too political, etc.), and various other poems and songs with a definite political bent. The folks scheming around the table were busting out critiques about class war, genocide, discrimination, and resistance in a way that was really good for my heart. And it was very inspiring just to witness the collective energy of a group of people sitting around a table laughing and brainstorming about how to pull a poetry performance together. This is definitely something that has been missing from my life of late.

We stayed up way too late talking about the millions of things we have in common, as is sooo often the case when I meet another Icarista for the first time, and then I drifted off to sleep.

In the morning it was gluten-free toaster waffles (such a treat!) and off to a meeting of the Erie County Coalition Against Family Violence: "The ECCAFV is a member-driven organization, which engages in social change activism to dismantle the root causes of domestic violence at the individual, organizational, and institutional level. Our goal is to end domestic violence." The whole congregation of delegates from various social service agencies was fascinating to me from an anthropological standpoint, and made me wonder what it would be like to work from within the system to effect change. Then we drove to Amy's work (lots of driving in Buffalo). Entertaining debacle trying to make copies of the Icarus support manual on their copy machine and explaining the Icarus Project to the very kind secretary. Debates about the medical model with the office's Peer Educator. Taking note of the many support groups and activities offered there, all of which are facilitated by a trained facilitator. Little offices with no windows, but everyone seems really happy to be working here. I was deluged with information by all the kind people working there: brochures, pamphlets, flyers, etc about medication studies, self-help schedules, local events, leadership courses, and training curricula on topics like Advocacy for Empowerment and Anti-Stigma training.

Late in the afternoon a plate of subs arrived and I sat in on the monthly meeting of peer advocates who were reporting back on the various meetings they are stipended to sit in on (like the Trauma Task Force, the County Mental Health Association, the Coalition of Family Violence, and so forth) and local events that are coming up, such as: a workshop detailing the provisions of the recently passed Kendra's Law, which permits forced outpatient commitment in NY state; a bus from the Americans with Disabilities Act which is coming to town on a national tour; the upcoming art show hosted by the Rehabilitation Awareness Coalition in conjunction with their conference "Laughter is the Sound of Healing;" and many more.

One particularly interesting piece of information that came out is that some of the peers went to an emergency meeting that was called by the head of one of the local mental health organizations who was going to cut funding to the Mental Health Rally because I was the key speaker! He had gone to the Icarus Project's website, read through our mission statement, gotten stuck on the phrase "legacy of psychiatric abuse," and was apparently quite terrified that I would rant on against psychiatry in an unacceptable way. Somehow everyone stuck up for The Icarus Project, however, and I was allowed to come!

Then I gave a workshop on The Icarus Project and people were blown away by the idea that those of us who struggle with dangerous gifts can come together outside the system and build community together. I told some of my personal story, talked about how the project formed, how it has grown and changed, and detailed some of what the local Icarus groups have been up to over the last couple years, and everyone was so inspired. They passed around a contact list to start a local group, and were thrilled about the idea of meeting in places that had nothing to do with agencies, where they could plan any kinds of actions or events that they wanted, not be afraid of pissing anyone off, and speak openly about their experiences in ways they haven't found the space to do. People were particularly excited about the idea of trying to have a skillshare, and forming some kind of buying club to get supplements and alternative remedies at lower prices. People brought up everything from local monasteries where you can learn how to meditate to child abuse, nutrition, and disagreeing with your psychiatrist's assessment of your GAF (Global Assessment of Functioning). Yet another amazing Icarus workshop.

And then we went to see Michael Franti and Spearhead – and I ran into someone in line for tickets who I knew from my first year of college in 1997 and who I have never seen since! And it turns out that she has become a "transformational life coach and intuitive," and we talked for ages about all things related to finding balance and purpose in life. Who would have thought...

Saturday brought lousy weather, mid-day anxiety attacks, and eventually the rally, which almost a hundred brave people turned out for, despite the rain. The opening poets and speakers were deeply moving, speaking out on everything from trans issues and incarceration to co-counseling and stigma-busting. I finished up the rally by belting out a speech in the intermittently pouring rain, and afterwards got flooded by people who wanted to connect, get Icarus books, and offer thanks. Afterwards a whole crew of us went out to dinner together and exchanged stories, showed each other art, and talked about our lives over Mediterranean food. I am so grateful to all the kind souls who shared so much of themselves with me while I was in town. Now I hope you all keep sharing these moments and thoughts with each other!