I am totally alone amongst billions of people.

I have no place.  I fit nowhere.  I am the piece from the wrong puzzle misplaced in the box.  I ruin the puzzle. 

Inside I am broken.  Outside I look nice and pollished.  I am the half eaten worm in the apple. 

I am the pitty call.  You know, the person to go to when no one else is around.  The person you know doesn't have anything better to do.  The person you wish you didn't have the number to any other day except for this one. 

I was once a good friend.  I once had good friends.  Now, after several suicide attempts and a few drug-induced psychoses later I'm that crazy bitch.  People feel for bad for me because they think I'm crazy.  Well, I am.  But not how they think that I am, even though I'm not so much different than I was before.  Or am I?  I have no idea because no one will tell me.  "You've always been paranoid."  is the most I've gotten so far.

I know I'm not the only one.  I can't be.  I can't  be... but I'm all alone in my struggle and sometimes.... it's just so hard to keep on moving forward.  I literally have no support besides my therapist.  How sad is that?  Sure, my mom's there, but she's also somewhere esle.  My dad's there, but he's really with his girlfriend.

So I have a boyfriend.  I've been seeing him for about two months now.  He knows nothing about me.  We haven't slept together yet.  He knows nothing about me.  His favorite color is blue.  He knows nothing about me.  I get dry eyes in air conditioning/ car heaters.  I ask for eye drops.  He "Doesn't do eye drops."  Tonight my asian friend with a hot ass asks for eye drops.  He searches his car for fifteen minutes.  He finds the eye drops.  No one loves me.. 

I have to pay someone to listen to me.  No one will listen to me unless I pay them.  And to get to that point I had to try to kill myself.  WOW... wow.

I KNOW that I can't possibly be the only one that feels this way.  I know that somewhere out there there's a few someones thinking these exact thoughts that I'm typing.  But I don't know those someones.  Those someones are probably people I wouldn't fit in with. Because I fit with no one. 

....I can't be the only one...........