Hi guys I am back. For some reason I went to bed crying last night (or early this morning) woke up crying this morning and have been pretty much crying all day. I am trying to finish this class I got an incomplete in last semester and I just have no desire to do it anymore, but if I don't finish it then what will these professors think of me, since I worked so hard to get the incomplete approved? But my heart isn't in it anymore, so I feel like I am just wasting everyone's time since it is not a class for any kind of degree but rather a carear training oriented class. And I have kinda already made up my mind I want to go to grad school instead and have already started the application process....but I just dread talking to these professors about this.

Then I was already not feeling too well and I have this friend who is uncomfortable with me and my relationship with her husband and I just feel bad because these people are like family to me, because my biological family is so screwed up and I don't know it just makes me sad. I just grew up without having anyone who was there when I needed them and it has taken me a lot of years to build relationships with people that I feel like I know I can count on no matter what and I don't want to lose that.

It looks like I will probably be moving when my lease is up in August anyway(if not for grad school then I will transfer my job to another state) and I want to stay in touch with these people and other really good friends I have made over the years. So it will make me sad if this ends our relationship. But I kinda think it might. I wonder if I will become the old crazy cat lady. Or one of these homeless women pushing around all my possesions in shopping carts in the city to pass the time.

 I have been so moody lately. I yelled at one of my supervisors a couple of weeks ago and nearly got myself fired. Now I can't stop crying....and the one person I have in my life that understands this I feel like I probably shouldn't talk to about it because I don't want his wife to feel threatened by me. Even though she said she isn't bothered by it, I know she is. And I really respect this person and don't want to alienate her or make her feel threatened by me.

And my managers at my coffee shop job don't really like me that much because I'm not a fan of stupid rules and conservative policies. And certainly not when i'm the only one in the entire company (not just my location) with a bachelor's degree making minimum wage. They know they can get away with it too because I sorta have a reputation for being crazy and emotional and it's like they have this attitude that I am lucky to be employed anywhere with my emotional problems. Like they are doing me a favor by hiring me at all because no one else would. Even though I am one of the most reliable employees they have right now.

 So all these things are getting to me and it is time to make a change in my employment and educational path.

 I hate change.....

But anyway sorry for complaining so much, it realy isn't that bad....