well, hmmm.
no snazy introduction to this. just have stuff to say and no idea where to post it.
wanna cut my arms these days.
holding back because its summer and i dont want to have to hide my arms, have a hard time remembering to do so until im out and visible.
cut up my legs last week, then caught myself in shorts. shit.
my scars from last month are still there, i think they a obvious but S says they arent unless im sitting a certain way and your really looking and even then they could be from the burner or from leaning oon a fence. but i think the patchwork gives it way. and because im doing some child care right now i worry the other parents will see and freak out.
so been doing random lines latly,
pulled a line all the way up my leg [inside and across the back of my hand. no one saw those as a problem.
thought about the bottoms of my feet but that is just impracticl.

for people who dont get it. it feels good.
its an escape. it makes the pain less in my head and more real.
it releases those screams reverberating in my body.

anyways. maybe i just write this to myself and dont need to explain it to anybody.

cant believe the strength we all have to do this fucked up shit all the time. from the outside i look so small. or is that from the inside. wish i could upload my art onto here. no idea how id do it though.
words seem like a forgein language.
lucky i have people willing to listen to my crap. crap . crap.....


anyways.

_________________

i am the trees, the water, the dirt in my toes. they are me i am them.


this is my only truth and constant. the door to my home and the eyes of the frogs are one and the same.


the screaching of the gulls are my thoughts and the humming