i don't really know why i write these things . . .i guess it can be a good way to help people. i just feel kinda' down right now. i'm listening to a silver mt. zion. i love it. sad and happy. wierd. i think i'll take a few more pills to ease my heart. i'm single, and i don't like it. being alone sucks. friends can be family in these times. and i can be pathetic. i wish i didn't wierd people out so much. most people who don't know me think i'm a creep. i can tell. somber music. laughter in the backround. that's good, uplifts the mood a bit. people for the most part are nice. but at the end of the day, no one can fully understand . . .i guess God does, but where does schizo end and spirituality begin? or is it all spiritual? i guess i'll never really fully know the answer. i know in my head the rhetoric, the prompts to get to thinking differently: God is love. God is All in All. God is Everything, or nothing. zion is within. God lives in zion. in me there is a saviour, my saviour. i have hope. i saw my light. i have light in me-divine light. God is light. i am not God, but i have a part of God permeating every part of me. i still can't escape this monotonous everyday drone. maybe in my divine madness, i am free. in my head. in my heart. in your love.