Alright, unpacking of last night. Weird things happened and I'm not going to chronicle them here because I've already gotten the chance to tell two or three people the story. Having friends is fucking great. I know that's sort of obvious, but I can forget when I haven't had good friends for a while.

Fuck, I'm feeling really uncomfortable. And I don't know why. At all. Maybe because I have to spend seventy dollars in the next three days. At food. At the cafe on campus. That's kind of a lot. Especially if they're as understocked tomorrow as they were tonight. I wanted to buy lots and lots of chips, but there weren't any. So I bought orange juice, for mixed drinks, maybe. Or just for drinking. I could get a milkshake tomorrow. It's hard to finish a whole one, but I could take it slowly. I could get grilled cheese, maybe. Or just treat other people to stuff. I will do it. It's a challenge, but I can do it. I'll show the college just how fucking resourceful I can be.

So why am I feeling so weird? It might have something to do with not having eaten very much today. And having gone in the sauna. And having done sit ups this morning. And not slept enough last night.

Okay, back to the unpacking of last night. I really want to find someone who likes me, who I like too. I got both halves of it last night, in two different people, which sucks. One person I wanted, who I couldn't have, and someone who wanted me, who I didn't want. I sort of figured out how to do sexy in this body. It's a matter of just being natural. Whatever that means. My body, with all its flabs and rolls and spots and dots and hair can be sexy. These big breasts can be sexy, but so can smaller ones, which will have the added benefit of not destroying my back and keeping me from running. I can like people. I can also not like people, and that's perfectly normal. Like the two, possibly three, people I've encountered this term who seem to have had crushes on me. I'm just going to keep on being a baby dyke and trust that at some point someone that I'm attracted to will be attracted to me. I feel like I can trust that I'll know what to do in bed, or wherever I end up.

Um, okay, I'm sure there's something else for me to say. I really want to sleep soon too. Ugh, hungry. I could try to make that pasta, but I don't have a big enough pot to boil all the water I need. Fuck. Hungrier and hungrier. Tomorrow I want to cut my hair. And go into town to sell my books. That might be all. Oh, and buy lots more food from the cafe. Christ, I think it's time to go to sleep. I want to get up early to have breakfast with my hallmate who's leaving tomorrow. I'm trying to cement potential friendships before people leave. Ahhh. I want to finish this episode of Castle. But I shouldn't. Bed time.