first, this is maybe fragmentary, and probably confusingly and even poorly written and grammatically disasterous, especially given the subtlety of thought it aims for regarding gender and language and maybe some math.  for that i apologize to those who still find it interesting enough to slog through my language in an attempt to get at my thoughts herein.

starting from me and working outward. me: big fag.  not necessarily obviously so, but does that matter?  most of my friends are queer too.  a few are genderqueer: one's now taking male hormones, is undergoing a second puberty (something that sounds vaguely horrifying to me - I would never want that - but certainly more power to him or her, whichever he or she would prefer - i realize as i write this that i have thusfar not asked), and another's been taking hormones for years, and now uses the male pronoun exclusively.  yet another just switches back and forth between the two gendered pronouns for him or herself.  and another's called all his gay male friends "gurl" for years.

i started thinking more about this recently after reading an article on some radical queer activists, and then more so when i got into kind of an argument with one of my friends, also gay, who is not an ally of the genderqueer community.  this bothers me, as it seems to me discrimination by one who is already doubly discriminated against (he is not white). 

i've read some judith butler; that whole argument that gender is a kind of drag, is performative, i'm a fan.  and like many queers, i don't believe in gender binaries. perhaps a grayscale seems reasonable to me as a simplification of gender for the understanding of the masses. one might even need some non-euclidean poly-dimensional shape to better account for and graph the complex interactions between the scientific fact, stemming from chromosomes, though mutable through surgery, of physical sex; the social construct of gender; and the complexity of sexual attraction. 

i consider myself male, pretty much, if i have to place myself on the simplified gender spectrum.  therefore, i prefer using male pronouns;  calling me "gurl" doesn't really feel like it applies to me at all.  or using female pronouns to refer to me, rather than destabilizing the gender of the pronouns, it sounds like one is talking about someone else.  and maybe we need a gender neutral singular pronoun in english.  "it" and "this one" or "that one" all sound somewhat dehumanizing.  

in english, only singular pronouns are gendered; plural pronouns in english are gender neutral.  i find having to use "his or her" and "his or hers" in more formal writings annoying, and therefore tend to write with the more formal "one" and "one's." in everyday life, i use whichever pronoun my particular friend prefers i use, and hope that i don't err when talking about those i do not know.

i, with my complicated psychology, and the fact that i have historically flipped outlooks, feelings et cetera on a dime, feel that just as the genderqueers claim the right to the gender pronouns of their choosing, i feel i can by extension claim the numbered pronouns of my choosing.  (i cannot entirely claim to be the first here: deleuze and guattari, both rather sane i imagine, started their introduction to a thousand plateaus claiming that each of them individually was already many.) as a result, i feel i should be able to refer to myself in the singular and the plural alternatingly, should i so decide, and that if one wants to get away from applying a gender to a pronoun when referring to me, or to things that belong to me, one should err on the side of the plurals "they" and "their".  think of us not as the royal we but rather the mad we.  our body, our mind, ourselves.  if i were to pick a number, it would be a complex number: partially real, partially imaginary, partially irrational, and most certainly more than one.

this makes us giddy.