long before i was diagnosed, about 8 or nine years ago i lost the ability to talk after a trip to europe. i had a great time there traveling from new friend to new friend and i met a group of really cool artists who i hung out with at GREAT parties and nightclubs. at first i was just having a reunion after 5 years and a birthday party with some friends in berlin. then i met these new guys and partied with them in berlin, then stayed with a virtual reality programer and had a great time rollerblading in berlin and drinking and listening to regae and meeting people in his building- musicians, and playing with them and then going to a big secret drug festival rave out in the middle of no where. it was for a few days but it started raining. then i went to  potsdam with my father and half sisters and step mother and later another trip to austria with family to innsbruck (friends in vienna) then amsterdam...i looked for a free bicycle to ride, couldnt find one. so i walked everywhere and tried to get my hair done. then oxford uk to stay with family (uncle lectures at oxford uni .my brother has also been there for work). i hung out in oxford for a while and tried to get my busking license. I went to the caribbean carnival with my cousins in london and was given some pot by a homeless man whom i kissed (he had rotten teeth and was a chalk street artist whatever theyre called) and smoked up infront of the police on the street with my cousins. i went to see asian dub foundation whom i loved in reading and watch other bands play (where tom york is from) I went to the oxford deans house for tea and met his drug addicted sons who were being sent to amsterdam for schooling again. that was funny.  i became a member of the wwoofing association. saw my grandparents in oxford.  then i decided to go south again and i stayed with a great guy( who is a very close friend now) in hamburg on the reeperbahn,(very cool place full of sex shops i used to go into with friends to have a look) went to mojo club alot and listened to soul and funk music and really danced, drank and was happy.i could really drink alot without food and party into the morning keeping up with vics alcoholic flatmate. vic, my friend i was staying with fell in love with me and i was close to his girlfriend ,friends and him but i fell in love with his girlfriend- we had read the same book "the beach" (before the movie) and we vowed to find the beach together and dread our hair for the new millenium. vic broke up with the woman i loved and told her it was because he loved me (he sent me romantic music love letters and gifts for many many years after). she left before i could say goodbye. i was devastated by this and burst into tears infront of everyone and just sobbed. however vic and i became close and began to just wear blue and (all i had was a pair of dickies jeans i bought second hand in berlin one jumper and a few shirts) hang out together. the tacheles was my favorite place in berlin- i would hang out there alot at the cafe and movies and art gallery and thats where i met vic. in hamburg it was the mojo- once we went on a road trip to the north sea. in vienna i went to great parties with theatre students and a couple of venues of kruder and dorfmeister(all free) and the love parade in berlin ( how can i forget). also the hate parade for punks. i gave viktor(also victor and vic) a mohawk and we went to alot of flea markets together. i am missing so much out as this is just the beginning of my travels to europe but i will lead up to what made me stop talking. physically not able to speak.

next posts....

such a long time ago. i smoked alot....on trains too. i didnt pay the subway. i lied to ticket men and once ran away from the ticket man in vienna with some friends...we werent paying.

then ofcourse i saw one of my favorite artists in berlin- a graffiti artist/street artist.....he painted the number 6 everywhere he went and oneday at the tacheles in the stairwell i saw him and he wrote the number on some flier and i took it and have kept it ever since.

i also took part in a protest outside mc donalds (which i had always wanted to do) and ate some free vegetarian/vegan food. that was on the way to the art gallery where i saw one of my favorite paintings at the time...."the kiss". i was speechless to be infront of it and stood there for a couple of hours.

when the woman i loved left, and not long after vic left......i was left with his artist friends. i decided to go wwoofing in italy. went to the phonebooth, rang a number and booked my stay with a family in tuscany.

wwoofing - willing workers on organic farms.

So i hung out working as a babysitter/gardener/olive picker for many months. I had only 50 euros. So i walked from home to home working and really I fell into place in this community. This is where things get strange. i went to parties there with alot of eccentric people, a convict and his dead wifes lover (hes an alcoholic insomniac). The convict from switzerland was old and had a real soft spot for me. he was a stoner and constantly ran his car off the road. we watched The English Patient together and he cried. It was me and his lesbian friend and him laying on his bed watching a projector. Everything felt strange because i had been traveling for so long (living in a camper van now) and by this time i felt like i had a family. i stayed with some real hippies who had purple weed growing in their garden. they had a one room home they built on the inside....no power just a generator for the fridge and a cell phone. This really took me back.....making our own bread and making a fire for the stove and having cold showers outside and using a compost toilet and candles.

more later