I want to die right now. Not in the depressive/suicidal nothing-will-ever-be-good-again sort of way. More just aching and wanting to not be conscious right now. That aching, bruised, empty feeling in my chest.

And I was doing so fucking well. I went to group, I set up appointments with people. Caught up on sleep. Took a shower. Checked on my sensitive cut. Thought about cutting my hair. And then my mother came home and it all went away.

I know she lives here too and it's unfair of me to feel that way, but that doesn't change how I feel. I could go out, but I don't know where I'd go. I could go see a movie, maybe. But there isn't anything I really want to see. Or maybe I could go settle in the college library downtown. But that doesn't sound all that good. Ugh.

I just want to sleep, but I can't even fall asleep at night. Fuck. Fucking fucking fuck.