Well it is definitely come to that point of meds or no meds. I have had the most horric luck with meds, but I am unmistakably depressed, beyond thepoint of return, I think. Without a little help. I feel so unlovable that I get nauseous and so alone that my whole body aches. Getting out of bed is a huge challenge and I'm a hyperactive sort of individual!  It takes a shit load of depression to make it hard for squirrel to get out of bed! I've stopped eating because every time I do I feel like I'm going to puke. And I am crying constantly, nonstop, rivers of tears. Anywhere and everywhere. Can't stop  until everything feels surreal. Then I collapse and if I didn't have to work or go to school it would be days, weeks, months....I could stay in bed forever if I knew I wasn't going to be homeless. I really just don't want to be on the streets. Because crying this much is exhausting. But I think I am finally coming around to a place of unattachment, which is always the least painful place for me.

I had to drop a class because it was too much. Thought I would have to withdraw entirely, but I am not quite there yet. Was able just to drop one class. Guess I'll have to try again later. Anyway, it isn't entirely the end. Just a pause for unmistakable depression. And there may have to be some Zoloft on board.