I just read a thread on voices that people hear and how they feel about them and it's stirring up so much in my head. I had the thought that I wished I had voices. It would help externalize these things I believe. Someone wrote that their voices told them theat they were worthless and horrible. But no one tells me that, I've just always believed that it's true. I mean, I guess someone must have told me that. Or I must have learned that from something I saw. Right? Len would say that I should figure out where it came from.

Something I should remember: people all have points of view. I can treat anyone's statements the way I treat the statments of psych professionals, with caution and investigation.

Anyway, going back to the issue. I need to figure this out. Well, maybe not. I'm working on dealing with those beliefs, cultivating my Heretic Pride. I'm not going to dispute the fact that being "good" means suffering and doing so silently. I'm just going to stop giving a shit about being "good." I'm a "bad" heretic and proud of it. I will enjoy myself whenever possible, I will complete avoid suffering for it's own sake. 

I'm still working on identifying when I'm following these beliefs. But like everything, slowly getting better.

Right now I just feel a little shitty. Cravings, mostly. I just want some cookies or something so badly. Something sweet, not just some bread or something. Oh, and the vegetarian thing is close to impossible while I'm also new at the avoiding sugars thing. I just can't right now. I'm taking a sort of training wheels approach. Trying to avoid meat for now, with lots of allowances. Then once I've gotten good at fewer sugars I'll pay more attention to meat.

Today I ate an apple and a pastry with a sausage in it and a little bit of chicken and a small potato. And the day isn't over, I'll have to report again when I'm done eating today.