someone in the daily roll call politely asked me to tone it down and delete my post. politely, yes, but i'm pissed nonetheless.

here's the post that i moved from roll call:

Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 8:39 pm    Post subject:
sooooooooooooooooooooo i'm jumpin on wednesday, because i want to. so there. i loved pie day, btw. just to check in, you can read this or totally ignore (which i actually suggest you do...). but i need an outlet right now, and my public blog (blogspot) is not the place to do it. ___________ I have another appt. with the psych tomorrow. I'm not feeling so great to tell you the truth. I'm cycling like crazy and unfortunately Peter (my partner) is taking a lot of the flack. He's just really exasperated with me, I don't blame him a bit. I'm not taking it out on him, but he is affected by my craziness anyway. I'm really quite sick of this crap! I've been really unstable since I took the "birthright" [rolling eyes] trip to Israel over christmas, and that just seems like too damn long to be sick like this. BUt it's been really incapacitating since my family came and went on vacation. I don't have my "keeping it together time" and I don't talk to anyone but Peter. When I get so emotional like this, I keep thinking about really sad stuff. Bad boyfriends, life being unfair, and just missing my dad so much. I know I spent a lot of time in therapy about the grief stuff, but it's really something I will never get over. It really broke my heart. I wish I had a chance to at least grow up before he left us. I was 15, and he died in his sleep. I just wish I could have hugged him one last time...Well, I know you can't change things, and I shouldn't feel sorry for myself or for my mom. I know that everything could be a whole lot worse, and I thank my lucky stars I have mom still. I don't know what I would do without her and my sister Blanche. I'm like my Grandma in that regard, I think. Without my Grandpa she just fell apart totally. Okay! Well I"m a downer. There's a SNL skit called Debbie Downer. I'm so totally Annie Downer! Google it on YouTube, it's funny. In other inconsequential news: I've been watching the Olympics non-stop around here! The poor canadians haven't won a medal yet. But just like good canadians they're always such good sports! It's funny. They always talk about how their performance may not have broke any records, or won a medal, but "it's a Canadian record". It's cute. I'm feeling quite patriotic oddly enough. I keep rooting for the americans. It's funny, I've never been proud to be an American, but I get pissed when they don't win! Americans are number one, damnit!! We never lose! The Chinese are cheating, I'm sure of it! I had an interview yesterday, so I hope that went well. I blew the other inteviewees out of the water. It was a group interview. I feel like I nailed it. But I have no compass anyway, because I've been passed up so many times for jobs I am overqualified for since we moved to Montreal, so as far as I know they could have wanted the losers to work there, not me! I just don't know anymore. Still I was super excited, so afterward I went and spent eighty dollars on things I believed we needed. Peter is making me return them this week. I'm sure I'm wrong because he really thinks so, but in my mind I still think we need them. I'm telling him: WE NEED A HOT GLUE GUN! Lol! Mental illness sure gives you something to talk about though, eh? Oh also in other news Francis, my cat got his tail burned by something, so now he's got a chunk of hair missing from his tail, and also the bald spost and scabs from the mysterious bites he got earlier this summer. He looks like Franken-cat. He's so weird! I love you all, thanks for indulging me, even if it's just an illusion.... the swimmers are on now, and they're my favorite. Phelps rules!

not too "bend-tacular", in fact, i can bend a whole lot more than this. a whole fucking lot more. so fuck off, ye who haveth the clarity of mind, fuck the fuck off, reality livers, go fuck yourself with your smiles and hugs and everything is okay.

LOU! sing it back to me now....

Caroline says
While biting her lip
Life is meant to be more than this
And this is a bum trip

But shes not afraid to die
All her friends call her alaska
When she takes speed, they laugh and ask her

What is in her mind
What is in her mind

She put her fist through the window pane
It was such a funny feeling

Its so cold in alaska
Its so cold in alaska
Its so cold in alaska